Faith | Narcissism | Relationships

“Our struggle is not against flesh and blood…”

I dated a sociopath

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

(Proverbs 4:23, NLT)

 

In my last blog entry, “Overcoming a Relentless Enemy,” I wrote about our vulnerability to the enemy’s attack and that we must activate our faith so that we can withstand the enemy.  In this next part, I will focus on how the enemy weasels into our life and how to reinforce change against similar, future attacks.

Some years ago, I met someone who would play an instrumental part in my life; it was a very painful experience that has proved to be packed full of many lessons learned for me.  At the time when I met this person, I was weighed down by the shame and guilt of divorce. I was only in the beginning stages of nursing those wounds when this person came into my life; he comforted me in my pain, ministered even, by praying for me and quoting Scripture over me.  The problem? This man hid behind a seemingly good reputation, position, and religious good deeds.

This man did appear to have some level of sincerity at times, able to articulate himself with the gospel of peace.  This is what was so confusing for me. He held “a form of [outward] godliness (religion), although [he] denied its power [for his conduct nullified his claim of faith]” (2 Timothy 3:1-5, AMP).      

The Greek word for “form” (of godliness) in this verse conveys the idea that someone is “putting up a front.”  Morphosin is the Greek here, which in our English spelling is morphosis.  The inference of the Greek word morphosis means “appearance” or “to form a semblance.”  Thus, what I was seeing was the mere form he had created for others to see.  

Isn’t is true sometimes that situations with people aren’t always what they seem?  Scripture backs this up:

“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.  By their fruit you will recognize them” (Matthew 7:15-16a, NIV).

“Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising, then, if his servants masquerade as servants of righteousness” (2 Corinthians 11:14-15, NIV).   

This ministry of writing calls for great wisdom.  In no way do I want to “throw someone under the bus” so to speak; this life we live involves interaction with others.  Though I would hope to protect “the other party” as best as I can, I do not wish to hide being deceived by my own heart: “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who can understand it?”(Jeremiah 17:9, NIV).  

YES, there were red flags, many of them and from the very beginning!  I suppose I missed having a spouse and longed for what I once had.  I reasoned through this particular man’s schemes. I questioned my ability to discern accurately and wisely through the situation with this man since I had just gone through a divorce and wondered if that whole relationship had been a mistake.  I suddenly became indecisive about any decisions in my life and sort of froze in place! I just decided not to make any big decisions, good or bad.  I doubted myself, so how could I make right judgements about someone else?

What helped me get out of this relationship with this man?

The Holy Spirit.  My friends. Pastoral counselors.  Accepting truth. And the final stamp of obedience to walk away from something that did not have God’s approval!

From this experience with this man, this is what I ultimately learned about the way the enemy weasels into our life and how to strengthen reinforcements for similar, future attacks:         

-I realize that we need to be on our guard for any “surprise” traps of the enemy when we have undergone any initial and great hardship; we can lose balance in our mind, will, and emotions for a time until Jesus heals us in that situation.

-Feed the spirit but starve the emotion.  Tumultuous relationships like these (which I recommended NOT entering) bring in high emotions.  Without the Holy Spirit’s help, we will feed the nature of man, its sinful nature guided by worldliness (Romans 8:3-4, NIV).  We will lower our standards, fighting back in the same way people in the world fight each other. If we follow our fleshly desires in this regard, we forfeit God’s intended peace over our life and the good plan He ultimately has for us.  Instead, we settle for something less fulfilling just to obtain that temporary want or desire within us that most likely will lead to disaster down the road (Romans 12:1-2, NIV). Our spirit-man in the faith must be kept stronger, focused and ready at all times for what wars against the nature of man (Philippians 3:15-21, MSG; Ephesians 6:10-19, AMP; Romans 7:14-25, NIV).

-The Word is powerful, but we must separate the power of His Word from the vehicle behind the Word. We cannot be deceived here. Words are powerful! (Proverbs 18:21, NIV). Even Eve in the Garden of Eden bought into what the crafty serpent had to say about the tree of the knowledge of good and evil because he was using, or rather, replaying the same words that had a higher authority behind them. With this man I met, it was similar. A good friend counseled me on this man’s statements I had fallen for every time he would say them (specific Scriptures, repeated phrases of God-like encouragement, etc.); she said that anything good he would say to me was not from him, but to think of it as from the Lord. His charm and way with words did not work on me anymore after I considered this perspective!  

-Don’t fight your battles alone and on your own! First, you have the Holy Spirit who will guide you to places of truth (John 16:13, NIV); He may even warn you (Acts 20:23, NIV).  Second, we make up the body of Christ; we were not created to do life alone. My closest friends that truly know me helped untangle the mess in my heart. They made me consider questions regarding my future and future family with this man if things were to go down that road.  They also assured me of my past, that I was a trusting person in my marriage and prior dating relationships, yet not with this man. After all, if this man was trustworthy, there shouldn’t have been trust issues at all, right?

-Obedience, obedience, obedience!!!!!!!  This lesson came for me at a high cost! Because I had ignored the warnings of the Holy Spirit, along with offhandedly dismissing the red flags in which my spirit bore witness, there were consequences to bear.  I believe the consequences of my disobedience were as much or maybe even more far reaching than the actual toxic relationship itself. The aftermath of fears and paranoia (not to mention the trust issues to believe someone else again or in trusting myself because ultimately I let this person into my life) would continue long after not seeing this man anymore.  Consequently, a lot of unnecessary “repair” in my life had to be implemented because I was not obedient to the Holy Spirit.  I had to accept the damage of losing some people in my life while he would win some over with his tactful ways and with his skewed version of things to cover and protect himself in the situation.  I had to overcome his gaslighting statements that he would somehow control my life’s future and outcome. I had to replace those thoughts with reminders about who God is, in and through my life:

Jesus is Lord over my life and over the universe (Acts 17:24, NIV).  We serve an Omnipotent God who has power over all things and whose power is infinite and limitless.   

“What [God] opens no [man] can shut, and what [God] shuts no [man] can open” (Revelation 3:8, NIV with my emphasis).  

Ultimately, we are responsible for what or who we allow into our life, and we are responsible for guarding our heart that determines the course of our life (Proverbs 4:23, NLT).  So, I want to encourage you with this last word: “Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you– guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us” (2 Timothy 1:14, NIV).  

In my next blog, I will address how the Holy Spirit reveals our own hearts to us in our battles with the enemy, along with any unhealthy patterns we have cultivated into our lives that might have given the enemy a foothold.  

 

Photo by David Beale on Unsplash

 

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Faith

Overcoming a Relentless Enemy

spiritual warfare

“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” (1 Peter 5:8-9, NIV)

 

These days call for true fighters of the faith.

 

The photo I have included here was taken while on a church missions trip to Costa Rica in the summer of 2014.  My church is currently building an orphanage there called The House of Hope, and while we were there, we visited The Abraham Project, an orphanage near San Jose.  At The Abraham Project, we were given a tour of the homes where the house-parents raise the children until adopted; we also toured their school and play yard, which was nearby and in walking distance.  Next to the school play yard, they kept piles of materials (as shown here) for the continual building that seemed ongoing and constantly in progress. One house-parent shared how someone had stolen the metal from their pile of building materials.  Because of limited funds, resources, and storage, the materials were vulnerable to thieves. I wanted to remember what this meant for us spiritually as Christians and how vulnerable we are if the proper protection and guarding are not in place.

 

After talking to just two families within a couple of days of our missions trip, theft seemed to be the concurrent problem for those we had met living in Costa Rica.  Not only had The Abraham Project’s building materials been stolen, but also a landowner’s hired-help had stolen from him, causing him to fire his dishonest employee.  I could hear the disappointment in their voices as they expressed their loss so openly with us. Very quickly, I came to be one with the people of Costa Rica. We may feel like our experiences are unique to us, but we should take comfort: we have all suffered that kind of disappointment and that feeling that something was stolen from us.

 

As I reflected on these stories of loss and the photo of the piles of scraps and materials that had been vulnerable to thieves, this scripture came to mind:

“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings” (1 Peter 5:8-9, NIV).

 

We can forget that we are constantly susceptible to enemy attack. We cannot think that the devil will take things out on us lightly or that he will let up when we would wish him away.  With him, there are no negotiations. If Jesus was a target, we are too:

“When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left [Jesus] until an opportune time” (Luke 4:13, NIV).

 

This word until reminds me of the two different occasions the Lord asks Satan in the book of Job, “Where have you come from?” Satan answers both times the same way: “From roaming through the earth and going back and forth in it” (Job 1:7 and Job 2:2, NIV).  We may overcome one moment with Satan, but he restlessly doesn’t stop and returns again.  We have to be ready and alert for the next time, that next opportune time when we are most vulnerable.

 

We can all recall those past vulnerable moments that stand out in our minds where we will never forget that, to our surprise, the unimaginable and unthinkable would or could even happen through us or to us.  Maybe it is because we were distracted, we did not heed the warning signs, or we didn’t expect it in the form that it came.  (I will be addressing this further in my next blog entry.)

   

After visiting The Abraham Project, I also studied this Scripture, paying close attention to the grammatical structure of John 10:10a in the NIV: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.”  The repeated use of the conjunction “and” reminded me that the enemy doesn’t come and do some damage.  He intends to do all the damage that he can!

 

I don’t want people to read this and have a sudden fear that the devil is out to get us (2 Timothy 1:6-7, NIV).  But the truth is, he is! He wants to steal your life of all its past memories of joy and kill your present dreams and destroy your hope for the future. If we allow him, he wants it to go on and on until he takes it all.

 

But here is our hope, which is greater than any plan the enemy will try to orchestrate against us:

He may come as a thief but look at the second part of the verse: “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10b, NIV).

“The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth…”  (Acts 17:24a, NIV).  

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33, NIV).

“You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” (1 John 4:4, NIV).

“I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.  And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way” (Ephesians 1:18-23, NIV).

He is the Lamb who was humbly slain for our sins, but He is also the Lion of the tribe of Judah who has triumphed and rules all the earth! (Revelation 5:5-6, NIV).   

 

And He has not left us without protection and a defense:

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints” (Ephesians 6:10-18, NIV).    

 

Satan is limited, whereas we are not!  Satan may have power, but we have power and authority: “I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you” (Luke 10:19, NIV).

 

This calls for our most active faith! We fight in prayer continually, we stand firm in faith unwaveringly, and we rest in Him when we have done everything we know to do. I don’t know about you, but to rest is active work for me! To rest means not doing something when you want to do something, but the Holy Spirit says, “Not now!” or “Not that!” or “Not yet!”  Remember, it is ultimately His battle. Take up your position and stand your ground! He promises that we will see the deliverance of the Lord (2 Chronicles 20:15-30, NIV).     

 

Someone is tired of fighting the good fight. The battles have been long and hard, and you may even feel like you are losing the battle and are down for the final count. You are thinking, I will just lie here and take it, and let the enemy win.  This is when you know you have reached the end of your own strength.  Be encouraged!  You are weary and tired, but His power is made perfect in your weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, NIV).  Rest in His power! Resting requires activating your faith and trust in Him; having this kind of faith can be hard to understand because it is like a secret that we stumble upon as we stumble along the way.  He loves you and is not put out with you (Psalm 22:24, NIV)! Rest, beloved one of His! Your hope will break forth like the dawn (Isaiah 58:8, NIV).  Your strength will be renewed (Isaiah 40:27-31, NIV).  You won’t be able to understand the logistics of how, when, and what (Hebrews 11:1, NIV).  But believe your breakthrough is coming!

 

There will be a continuation of this blog entry.  As I hope to have established in this entry that you are the target of a real enemy, I pray you also grasp the life and the hope and the power you have in Jesus!  My next entry on this topic will be on how the enemy weasels in and how to reinforce change against similar, future attacks.     

 

Photo by Melanie Marimberga

 

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