Melanie's blog

“Jesus answered, ‘My Father has been working until now, and I have been working.’” (John 5:17, NKJV)

Last year at this time, I started my blog and had gone through a fasting of negative thoughts about myself after many unanswered prayers.  Although my prayers haven’t been answered, I can see God arranging and rearranging things around in my life.

Since God seemed silent on the subject of me becoming a parent, I pursued fostering.  I had been approved and licensed as a foster parent, yet it took two years before I got my first placement.  Why had it taken so long?  Was the setback God’s answer for me on foster care?  I remember praying at this agonizing juncture, “Just do something, God.”  I had become desperate to see God move in my behalf on any one of my unanswered prayers.

In the waiting, I went into planning mode and set some attainable goals for myself.  I met with a university advisor about pursuing a PhD. I also signed up for that summer’s missions trip through my church.  

With a new plan already in motion, DHR called a week and a half later.  I gained two sibling girls, 3 and 8 years old. To put it mildly, it was the hardest thing I had ever done.  I lost sleep. Every day I was running on fumes of leftover energy by evening. Even my health suffered as I was unable to get well while I had them.  I needed relief. The strain of the situation overshadowed the blessing of having the girls.

My mindset going into foster care was that this was the only way I would have children.  Shortly after the girls left, His gentle spirit spoke to mine: “You limited me, and I couldn’t bless it.”  Not only had His loving correction revealed my lack of faith but also unveiled the promise that there are no limitations with Him and that His plan is to bless me with children in just the exact way He intends (Luke 1:37, ESV).  

Seeing how hard fostering as a single parent was, I redirected my prayers.  I stepped back and searched my heart. Was it children I wanted after all? The sting of not having children had, in fact, become less, but if children were a promise in my future, I knew I couldn’t do it alone and that meant praying for a mate.  

This redirection of my prayers brought to mind one particular Father’s Day right after my divorce.  My church had a family event that day at a play station with go-karts, miniature golf, and roller skating.  I had planned to go and meet friends there. Being that the crowd would mostly be families, I just couldn’t bring myself to go.  Tears of sadness, anger, and frustration streamed down my face. God’s spirit spoke to me in the middle of my distress: “Pray for your husband.”  I couldn’t believe it. The impact of those words brought me to my knees right there in my bedroom floor. Stunned, I wondered, “This is the stem of my grief and pain, and You’re telling me to pray for my husband?  Which one? The one I just lost, or the one I could gain, because right now, I don’t want to pray for one.” I knew the answer in my spirit. It was for the one to come. I begrudgingly complied. The attitude of my prayer reflected something like this: “There, God.  I prayed for my husband. And that is all I want to pray about that right now.” Though my prayer was short and half-heartedly felt, a supernatural calm suppressed my grief momentarily as His instructions for me to pray contained the promise of someone in my future, that He was already working on it.          

Entering this past summer of 2018, God spoke the word “rest”.  Funny thing is the word had an adverse effect on me. He wanted me to stop, and I wanted to go.  After all, rest sounds wasteful and unproductive, right?  I threw myself into more obligations and responsibilities than ever before.  On top of working full-time and keeping up my house, I taught two Bible studies and took a graduate English course at the university.  By the time October had rolled around, I was hitting burnout fast. And by mid-November, I made decisions of what “rest” would look like for me in the next semester.  After prayerful consideration, I would focus on individual discipleship with a few as time permitted rather than the weekly commitment of preparing and teaching Bible studies.  

As soon as I freed up space and room in my life, I met someone special.  I opened my heart for the first time in a very long time. Even though it wasn’t the outcome I had hoped for, I learned.  I learned I can love freely. I learned about conflict and fair fighting. I learned the importance of communication. I learned that it is an area of my life that I am waiting in expectation yet in His timing and will.   

There were so many times this past year that I thought I knew what was best for me.  From here, I continue to place my hand in God’s and venture into the unknown. I worry sometimes that I will make a blunder of things. Then the Holy Spirit comforts me with His Word: “Then I will make something beautiful out of the mess” (Romans 8:28, NIV). His promises ensure that we don’t walk alone (Isaiah 41:13, NIV).  And because of that, we can be encouraged that God is always working and that He is writing our story.

Scriptures for Today

With great adversity and unanswered prayers, we can feel abandoned by God.  Rest in His promises:

“Jesus answered, ‘My Father has been working until now, and I have been working’” (John 5:17, NKJV).  

“For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.” (Isaiah 41:13, NIV)   

“Look here. I have made you a part of Me, written you on the palms of My hands.  Your city walls are always on My mind, always My concern” (Isaiah 49:16, VOICE).   

“Who among you fears the Lord?
Who obeys the voice of His Servant?  
Who walks in darkness
And has no light?
Let him trust in the name of the Lord
And rely upon his God.” (Isaiah 50:10, NKJV)

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

“My loved ones, do not put your faith in every spirit, but put them to the test, to see if they are from God…” (1 John 4:1a, BBE).

For a few years I frequented a five-fold ministry where the leaders actively used their gifts given by God for building up the body of Christ (Ephesians 4:11-12 and 1 Corinthians 12:4-11, NIV).  Although this ministry gave me refreshment and encouragement, there were moments when my spirit was not in agreement with some of the prophecy and the counsel spoken over me. I suppose at the time I was seeking out a minister or ministry to hear a Word from God for me directly: What’s God’s special message for me?  Receiving in ministry is proper and good and has its place in our spiritual lives.  We need it for growth and for building up our faith when the race gets wearisome. But we also need to be careful here because we can become self-focused and even misdirected.   

For example, one person said they “felt in their spirit” that I had not forgiven someone from my childhood.  I took into account what the person said, but I did not accept it as truth in my life. I brought it before the Lord, praying and allowing Him to examine my heart in this area.  These were the truths that were already in place: When I got saved at 18, the people and occurrences that took place during my childhood were the first things God spotlighted in my life.  God healed me where I was fully able to forgive and love those people unconditionally. To extend proof of that forgiveness and healing, I had pursued peace by cultivating relationships with them, knowing the possibility of limited interest on their part.    

Life can leave us questioning when and if true healing has occurred.  After all there are times when we think we are healed from something and then, low and behold, something happens and we find out we are not.  We must allow God to examine the deep waters of our heart so that wholeness and proper healing can occur.

On the flip side, we must be careful not to overly dwell on what one person has said in the name of the Lord.  If God has healed past afflictions, it’s not smart to poke around closed wounds, aggravating old scars. Remember, we are called to freedom in Christ, and we don’t want to entangle ourselves again by those things which once enslaved us (Galatians 5:1, NIV).

I later brought a man I was dating to this ministry with me.  One of the ministers told me I was holding back in my relationship with him, needing to trust so that it could lead to marriage and children.  The man I dated was putting up a front, and what we saw was the mere form this man had created for others to see (See my blog post “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood” for more on how the Holy Spirit helped me through this situation).  Had I continued the relationship with him based on what someone spoke over me in this ministry, it would have ended in a disastrous, short marriage with the likelihood of children involved. Hindsight is everything, but we need to make wise choices before we open doors in our life that should’ve remained shut in the first place.  

In these two cases, the words spoken over me and my life were not God-inspired. Did the people in the ministry mean well? I believe so. As humans, we will not get it right all of the time.  Our human capacity limits us where we get in the way of the Spirit of God. This is why we should test every spirit.    

We should not solely rely on any human and what they minister over us without testing its foundation on the Word of God and the voice of the Holy Spirit.  What people minister into our life should be confirmation of what we have already read and heard. Through His Son, Jesus Christ, God paved a way for us to hear His voice:    

“Long ago, at different times and in various ways, God’s voice came to our ancestors through the Hebrew prophets.  But in these last days, it has come to us through His Son, the One who has been given dominion over all things and through whom all worlds were made” (Hebrews 1:1-2, VOICE).  

According to this Scripture, the voice and witness of Christ in you is powerful enough to keep you inside the will of God.  If you are following the ways of Jesus and living according to God’s Word, then you will know His will (Romans 12:2, NIV).

Let’s look at the covenant God promises us in knowing Him:    

“This is the covenant I will establish with the people of Israel
after that time, declares the Lord.
I will put my laws in their minds
and write them on their hearts. 
I will be their God, 
and they will be my people. 
No longer will they teach their neighbor, 
or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’ 
because they will all know me, 
from the least of them to the greatest.” 
(Hebrews 8:10-11, NIV)

After the time of Moses when the people of Israel were lead out of Egypt (Exodus 13:21-22, NIV), God made a new covenant through His Son for His people.  He would imprint His laws on their innermost thoughts and understanding; He would engrave His laws on their hearts, affecting their regeneration. Therefore, it would be unnecessary for each one to teach his fellow citizen because all will know Him by experience and have knowledge of God, whether educated or uneducated, whether a pastor or a common believer (Hebrews 8:9-11, AMP).     

As we can see here, the Holy Spirit is not contained to a specific minister or ministry.  The church and fellowship with other believers has its proper place in our life. Church is an extension of our fellowship with God, but it is not the end all and means to all.  This covenant from God is for us directly. We all have direct access to God. When Jesus died on the cross, the barrier between The Holy God and sinners was removed:

“And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.  At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom” (Matthew 27: 50-51a, NIV).

“Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings…” (Hebrews 10:19-22a, NIV).

Access to God is no longer limited to the religious leaders and confined to a physical temple.  God is now made accessible to all through His Son’s obedience on the cross.  We can approach Him with confidence because His sacrifice paved the way.    

As you test every spirit, put your trust in Christ.  Your relationship with Christ is the most crucial part of your faith walk.  What others minister over you should be in agreement with what you already know, being rooted and grounded in Christ. He is the Source of abundant life and truth.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

“…the God who makes the dead alive and summons the things that do not yet exist as though they already do.”
(Romans 4:17b, NET)

We were waiting in line to ride the Mind Winder at our annual Easter festival at my church.  Maci, my niece who was seven years old at the time, wanted to know who would be riding with her.  I had seen her ride this particular ride with her father (my brother) before. It’s the kind where you sit in these tub-like seats; the ride itself spins around in continuous circles while each independent tub manually spins 360 degrees all at the same time. Maci makes sure hers circulates endlessly! I happily bowed out as my brother volunteered to ride with her; I knew my equilibrium couldn’t handle it.

Enjoying our time together as we waited, one little girl behind us shouted out loudly, “My sister has autism!”  She wanted our attention, and she definitely had gotten ours with her statement! Acknowledging her comment, I was more concerned how it made her sister with autism feel since this was no secret to any of us standing near them in the line.   

Soon, all three of the girls in their group captured our attention. We made small talk.  This boisterous and outgoing six year old girl who had made the remark about her sister was hooked arm to arm with whom she called her “BFFFF!”  The only one not speaking in their group was her sister with autism, seemingly alone among her sister and her friend. I watched as her wide eyes followed the ride, which was swinging around in front of us as we waited for our turn.  Looking at me, she mumbled quietly under her breath, “Will you ride with me?”

Before I had a chance to answer, the younger sister hooked arm to arm with her “BFF” announced just as loudly as before that her sister had autism.  I agreed to ride, assuring them that I knew what autism was because I was a teacher.

My new friend was reserved during the ride.  Halfway through it, she told me it was fun. It was the only comment she made while we rode, and I knew she meant it.  Exiting the ride’s gate, her mom thanked me.

I did not realize at the time what an impact this particular moment would have on the rest of my evening.  I had been given a gift! Riding with the little girl I didn’t know and who didn’t know me, she trusted; her younger sister entrusted us with information about her sister as a way to get help and make sure her sister was looked after that night so that they could all enjoy the Mind Winder.  

God was doing something in my mama-heart that night with every encounter I had with the children there. Conversations took place throughout the night with different kids as we waited in each line. Children expressed their anticipation and excitement with me before going on a ride. One girl shared how tall her daddy was as she reached as high up with one hand and as low as she could with her other hand. Frequent visits from a teenager, a student of mine at the time, thought it cool enough to come speak and visit with me.  I received a surprise hug from that same teenager’s little brother that I had only been around a couple of times; it was the kind of hug that’s so big, the child trusts you will catch him or her. These special moments were etched into my memory; it had been a magical night.  

God ministered to me through the kids at the festival that night.  The gaping ache in me that desires a child was radically filled in a moment.  His truth came to life for me: “(as it is written, ‘I have made you a [mother] of many’… the God who makes the dead alive and summons the things that do not yet exist as though they already do” (Romans 4:17 NET, my emphasis added).  That night, God took my “dead” promise of having children that has not yet been actualized, and He breathed life into it as if the fulfillment of the promise were brought into existence.

God blesses us with moments like this, doesn’t He?  He is faithful like that. I can’t explain how, but He does it.  When I woke up the next morning after the festival, I was not asking God to come through for me in this one desire of my life because He had and has so many times before.  

 

A prayer:
Thank you, God, for breathing life into our “dead” hopes, desires, and dreams.  We surrender to You and Your plan for our life as You know what’s best for us. We believe in who You are and what You can do, so we wait in expectation.  May we not overlook Your many wonders You display in our midst. Thank you, Father, for providing all of our needs. Amen.

“Ask and keep on asking and it will be given to you; seek and keep on seeking and you will find; knock and keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who keeps on asking receives, and he who keeps on seeking finds, and to him who keeps on knocking, it will be opened.  Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will [instead] give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will [instead] give him a snake?  If you then, evil (sinful by nature) as you are, know how to give good and advantageous gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven [perfect as He is] give what is good and advantageous to those who keep on asking Him.” (Matthew 7:7-11, AMP)  

“…put [your] hope in God, who richly provides [you] with everything for [your] enjoyment” (1 Timothy 6:17, NIV).   

“‘For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain.  My covenant of blessing will never be broken,’ says the LORD, who has mercy on you” (Isaiah 54:10, NLT).

“He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted” (Job 5:9, NIV).

 

Photo by Jenn Evelyn-Ann on Unsplash

 

      

“In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.”
(Psalm 5:3, NIV)

Waiting can be one of the hardest things we do.  Waiting means God’s timing; you may be walking in some prolonged seasons of delay.  As I’ve heard a few times from other Christian writers and speakers, delayed does not mean denied.  This made me think of the story in the Bible of the man that was healed at the Pool of Bethesda.  The disabled would come to this pool because it was known that an angel would come and stir the pool at appointed seasons.  The first one to enter the water after it had been stirred would be healed of their disease. Sounds like a group of people waiting on a miracle, right?  At least they were in the right place and hoped to be there at the right time too for when the season of healing would take place specifically for them. But this one man in particular had been an invalid for 38 years! Not only had his physical healing been delayed after all of that time, but also he had experienced prolonged disappointment, repeatedly looking to God in expectation.  

Jesus asked him his most important question: “Do you want to get well?”(John 5:6, NIV).

We know he waited in expectation because after 38 years, he was still there waiting and hoping for his miracle. He ended up being at the right place and the right time after all, though it was a longer wait than he probably anticipated.  His waiting probably made him feel more like a spectator instead of the recipient that he was hoping to be. These questions come to mind when I think of his situation prior to him receiving his miracle:

-Did he believe the miracle for himself anymore?  

-Had he gotten comfortable with the fact that the Pool of Bethesda had become a place of “hang out” for him rather than a place of miracles?  

-Had he settled, becoming just an observer while watching others receive their miracles?  

Have you, too, ever felt like this about your miracle?  Are you still believing for your miracle? Has church become an ordinary place where you no longer wait in expectation for God to perform His wonders?  Are you merely just a witness of others’ miracles where you no longer believe God will move on your behalf?

Hard trials, unmoved circumstances, and dysfunction can start to feel like the new norm.  We get so use to the heartache, the long journey of unanswered prayer, that we take shelter in the cave of our problems. We get stuck because we’ve been there so long, we don’t know anything else. We can become so comfortable with how things have been that it becomes a part of us, and we don’t realize it sometimes until we finally step out of the cave.

What question do you think God might be posing to you today, specifically to you right now about receiving your miracle?

Do you want to get well?

Do you want to be free?

Do you want to step out of the cave of your problems?  

Do you want to ___________________? (You fill in the blank.)  

Hold on, dear child of God.  Keep watch, and wait for Him.  He has not forgotten you. He has not forsaken you. Listen to His love letter to us who still hope and are waiting…

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13, NIV).

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 31:8, NIV).

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV).

“Be still, and know that I am God…” (Psalm 46:10a, NIV).

“Not one of all the Lord’s good promises to Israel failed; every one was fulfilled” (Joshua 21:45, NIV).

 

Photo by Amanda Bridges-Dunn

 

“For physical training is of some value, but godliness (spiritual training) is of value in everything and in every way, since it holds promise for the present life and for the life to come.”
(1 Timothy 4:8, AMP)

 

I learned the hard way how not to minister to others. With the last two people I tried to help, I walked alongside them, taking on their problems like a project. I fed them Scripture and prayed over them continually. Because I did all the work, they never learned to feed themselves with the Word nor seek God on their own. Very little fruit, if any, was produced in them. They would acknowledge the nuggets of truth and wisdom, even regurgitate it back to me, but they weren’t seeing Scripture as their own life preserver. Burnout cannot happen fast enough when you try to carry someone else’s spiritual growth.

Haven’t we all done the same thing?  We get tired. We get weary. It’s easier to complain about our problems, seek people’s comfort, and sometimes even wallow in self-pity.  I find myself getting into this cycle from time to time. When others assist in my problems, I feel better for a time. But soon again, I get back on the same path of needing others to “fix me” and my problems. As much as we would like an instant intervention for our problems, God is the only one who can produce a lasting, changing work, that which is impossible with man.

Should we seek guidance from those more wise than us? Absolutely.  This is what Scripture says about seeking out advice:

“Without consultation and wise advice, plans are frustrated,
But with many counselors they are established and succeed” (Proverbs 15:22, AMP).

I have found much wisdom among other people. I don’t know what I would have done without their godly advice.  Usually the advice is instruction for the next steps in addressing the problem I have or just plainly reminding me to trust God because the situation is totally out of my hands. Hard trials can put me into a whirlwind of confusion fast and may even blur my vision on the facts of the scenario. Sometimes we need direction and/or redirection because we are too close to the problem, and we need an outsider to help us see things clearly.      

Seeking advice and sometimes even venting in a safe place with others isn’t wrong; it can be part of the steps in healing, restoration, and growth.  But others cannot do the work of maturation in us. Take for instance the benefits of investing in your physical body, i.e. working out, eating healthy, etc.  Trainers can suggest a special diet and exercise plan for you, but who ultimately does the work? Most of us have a clear understanding of the effort, time, and energy it takes to improve the physical body.  We also must understand it takes the same kind of effort spiritually; the hard part is pressing on with faithful persistence. We must own our spiritual growth by surrounding ourselves with the body of Christ, spending time with His people, getting in the Word, and maturing in our salvation.

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How to Persist in the Faith

-Continue to regularly attend the church you call home even in the times when you don’t feel like going (Hebrews 10:24-25, NKJV).

-Commit to a small group weekly where you are around believers and people with the same mindset that God is good.  Negativity is sure to lurk in the unknown and dark places of your problems, especially when those problems last for a longer season (1 Corinthians 12:12-27, NIRV; Psalm 33:4, NIV and NLT).

-Stay in God’s Word, substituting lies with truths and God’s promises (John 17:17, AMP).

-Continue to work out your own salvation.  Learn what God is trying to show you in your trials.  He is growing you up in Him to will, to work, and to walk out your assigned purpose for His good pleasure (Philippians 2:12-13, AMP).

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Photo by Ben White on Unsplash