Faith

Thank You for Not Leaving Me Alone

Thank You for Not Leaving Me Alone

“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” (Zephaniah 3:17, ESV)

Sometimes loneliness creeps in.  Being in a more vulnerable state, I suppose my spirit is more sensitive to the way God touches my soul.  God orchestrates His love and kindness through people in every day, ordinary places:

-A two year old’s hug that turns into a 30 minute comforting embrace

-An elderly married couple of 50+ years who decide as they pass by to involve me in their playful banter, displaying the grace and love of their long-term relationship

-A brother in Christ I’ve never met who sends daily motivational quotes about discipline and dreams

-A friend who daily shares encouragement through the scriptures

-A neighbor who welcomes me in her home and lends a listening ear

-A family-friend who invites me to her children’s birthday party even though I am the only woman there without children of my own (understanding that I celebrate their joy without resentment or jealousy)

-A man who sits down with me at his grandchildren’s birthday party and asks me to share my testimony

-A woman who stops her chores at an event to speak hope over my life and my future husband

-A friend just a text away who puts up with my sometimes distorted analysis of things and bears under the weight of my heart’s folly

-A loved one who drops what he is doing, drives over to give me a hug, and quotes scripture over me when a medical test result comes in and another one must follow

These people made room in their day and busy lives to love on me in their own special way.  With pure intentions, they weren’t looking for something in return. They gave, and some of them keep on giving.  I recognize it as God’s tangible way of loving on me– the hands and feet of Jesus that came to visit a lonely woman.  Though lonely at times, I am reminded that I am not alone. May we be enlightened on how He loves on us through others, and may we be sensitive to the Holy Spirit on how He can use us in everyday ordinary places in ordinary ways to touch other people’s lives. The small things add up and make a significant difference in a person’s life. I know it does in mine and am thankful.

2
Faith

A Year After “First Things First”

unanswered prayer

“Jesus answered, ‘My Father has been working until now, and I have been working.’” (John 5:17, NKJV)

Last year at this time, I started my blog and had gone through a fasting of negative thoughts about myself after many unanswered prayers.  Although my prayers haven’t been answered, I can see God arranging and rearranging things around in my life.

Since God seemed silent on the subject of me becoming a parent, I pursued fostering.  I had been approved and licensed as a foster parent, yet it took two years before I got my first placement.  Why had it taken so long?  Was the setback God’s answer for me on foster care?  I remember praying at this agonizing juncture, “Just do something, God.”  I had become desperate to see God move in my behalf on any one of my unanswered prayers.

In the waiting, I went into planning mode and set some attainable goals for myself.  I met with a university advisor about pursuing a PhD. I also signed up for that summer’s missions trip through my church.  

With a new plan already in motion, DHR called a week and a half later.  I gained two sibling girls, 3 and 8 years old. To put it mildly, it was the hardest thing I had ever done.  I lost sleep. Every day I was running on fumes of leftover energy by evening. Even my health suffered as I was unable to get well while I had them.  I needed relief. The strain of the situation overshadowed the blessing of having the girls.

My mindset going into foster care was that this was the only way I would have children.  Shortly after the girls left, His gentle spirit spoke to mine: “You limited me, and I couldn’t bless it.”  Not only had His loving correction revealed my lack of faith but also unveiled the promise that there are no limitations with Him and that His plan is to bless me with children in just the exact way He intends (Luke 1:37, ESV).  

Seeing how hard fostering as a single parent was, I redirected my prayers.  I stepped back and searched my heart. Was it children I wanted after all? The sting of not having children had, in fact, become less, but if children were a promise in my future, I knew I couldn’t do it alone and that meant praying for a mate.  

This redirection of my prayers brought to mind one particular Father’s Day right after my divorce.  My church had a family event that day at a play station with go-karts, miniature golf, and roller skating.  I had planned to go and meet friends there. Being that the crowd would mostly be families, I just couldn’t bring myself to go.  Tears of sadness, anger, and frustration streamed down my face. God’s spirit spoke to me in the middle of my distress: “Pray for your husband.”  I couldn’t believe it. The impact of those words brought me to my knees right there in my bedroom floor. Stunned, I wondered, “This is the stem of my grief and pain, and You’re telling me to pray for my husband?  Which one? The one I just lost, or the one I could gain, because right now, I don’t want to pray for one.” I knew the answer in my spirit. It was for the one to come. I begrudgingly complied. The attitude of my prayer reflected something like this: “There, God.  I prayed for my husband. And that is all I want to pray about that right now.” Though my prayer was short and half-heartedly felt, a supernatural calm suppressed my grief momentarily as His instructions for me to pray contained the promise of someone in my future, that He was already working on it.          

Entering this past summer of 2018, God spoke the word “rest”.  Funny thing is the word had an adverse effect on me. He wanted me to stop, and I wanted to go.  After all, rest sounds wasteful and unproductive, right?  I threw myself into more obligations and responsibilities than ever before.  On top of working full-time and keeping up my house, I taught two Bible studies and took a graduate English course at the university.  By the time October had rolled around, I was hitting burnout fast. And by mid-November, I made decisions of what “rest” would look like for me in the next semester.  After prayerful consideration, I would focus on individual discipleship with a few as time permitted rather than the weekly commitment of preparing and teaching Bible studies.  

As soon as I freed up space and room in my life, I met someone special.  I opened my heart for the first time in a very long time. Even though it wasn’t the outcome I had hoped for, I learned.  I learned I can love freely. I learned about conflict and fair fighting. I learned the importance of communication. I learned that it is an area of my life that I am waiting in expectation yet in His timing and will.   

There were so many times this past year that I thought I knew what was best for me.  From here, I continue to place my hand in God’s and venture into the unknown. I worry sometimes that I will make a blunder of things. Then the Holy Spirit comforts me with His Word: “Then I will make something beautiful out of the mess” (Romans 8:28, NIV). His promises ensure that we don’t walk alone (Isaiah 41:13, NIV).  And because of that, we can be encouraged that God is always working and that He is writing our story.

Scriptures for Today

With great adversity and unanswered prayers, we can feel abandoned by God.  Rest in His promises:

“Jesus answered, ‘My Father has been working until now, and I have been working’” (John 5:17, NKJV).  

“For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.” (Isaiah 41:13, NIV)   

“Look here. I have made you a part of Me, written you on the palms of My hands.  Your city walls are always on My mind, always My concern” (Isaiah 49:16, VOICE).   

“Who among you fears the Lord?
Who obeys the voice of His Servant?  
Who walks in darkness
And has no light?
Let him trust in the name of the Lord
And rely upon his God.” (Isaiah 50:10, NKJV)

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

2
Faith

How to Start Reading the Bible

How to Start Reading the Bible

“For the word of God is living and active and full of power [making it operative, energizing, and effective]. It is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating as far as the division of the soul and spirit [the completeness of a person], and of both joints and marrow [the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and judging the very thoughts and intentions of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12, AMP)

Growing up Catholic, we heard Bible passages read by the priest during mass. Mom held onto the little white Bible received at my baptism as a keepsake. A large family Bible was displayed underneath the squared-glass living room coffee table in our home, merely for looks like the other knickknacks around the house.  As a family, we were familiar with The Book in our surroundings, but the Word did not live in our hearts.

Fresh out of high school, I developed friendships with a group of believers on the junior college campus I attended.  My new Christian friends made an impression on me. They were full of life, love, and genuine concern about the spiritual condition of others.  They used the Scriptures to encourage others; this living water of the Word flowed out of them like a river (John 7:38, NIV). My desire to read and know the Word came from this outpouring that flowed out of them.  As they encouraged me with the Word, I developed a heart of faith:

“So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God” (Romans 10:17, NKJV).

This experience would lead me to read God’s Word for myself.  Starting with Genesis, I became a disciplined reader. At first, I wanted to know everything in it for its knowledge, and I wanted to understand what it meant to be a committed Christian.  Though the Word of God always breathed life into me, it would take many years before duty (my daily reading the Bible, check it off the to-do list) would turn into a real love for His Word.  My reading for knowledge turned into a desire to know God deeper, solidifying a relationship with Christ.

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How to Start Reading the Bible

  • Start somewhere! If you don’t want to start at the beginning in Genesis, start where you are in life.  Here are some suggestions:
    • Read the gospel of John if you are a new believer.  Why this book? It is an account of Jesus’s walk here on earth from the perspective of John who was one of the pillars, someone in Jesus’s inner circle.  It follows the ministry of Jesus as He came to earth to fulfill His purpose for us.
    • Read the Psalms if you are facing heartache.  Each psalm is relatively short.  As each psalm is written like a prayer, this book will also increase your comfort level on how to communicate with God.
    • Read Proverbs if you need wisdom.  Though it navigates various topics, it reads relatively simple and easy from one idea to the next with implications that are hard to forget.           
  • Make a daily habit out of it.  Decide ahead of time when you will do it, and discipline yourself to do it.  I like to read in the morning. I have always arrived to my workplace fifteen to thirty minutes before my workday begins to make sure that time is set aside.   
  • Limit distractions!  Get the most you can out of this time of reading and studying the Word.  It can be hard for us to disconnect from the world and our responsibilities, but time well-spent in the Word is profitable for you and for those around you when you do reconnect with the world.   
  • Once you have read the whole Bible from Old Testament to New Testament, keep on reading!  Does your physical body need food every day?  Likewise, your spirit needs its proper food: “Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4, NIV).
  • Don’t just read it. Study it.  Reading a text and studying a text are two very different approaches.  In my 8th grade English language arts classroom, I allow my students to read the text first as a whole (chapter or passage).  Then we go back over it, breaking down its segments and parts. Seeing it modeled for us sometimes is the best teacher. Studies by Beth Moore are very helpful and useful in seeing how to breakdown word origins and how to approach a passage for study and deeper understanding of His Word.  Also, research and learn how to access resources like The Logos Bible app (It’s free!) that will enhance your study of the Word.

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Scripture affirms that Jesus is the Word (John 1:1-3 and 14, NIV; Ephesians 4:8-10, TLB) and that Jesus is the revelation of the true nature and person of God. There is no better way to know Him than by reading His Word.

Photo by Anthony Garand on Unsplash


Faith

Test Every Spirit

Test Every Spirit

“My loved ones, do not put your faith in every spirit, but put them to the test, to see if they are from God…” (1 John 4:1a, BBE).

For a few years I frequented a five-fold ministry where the leaders actively used their gifts given by God for building up the body of Christ (Ephesians 4:11-12 and 1 Corinthians 12:4-11, NIV).  Although this ministry gave me refreshment and encouragement, there were moments when my spirit was not in agreement with some of the prophecy and the counsel spoken over me. I suppose at the time I was seeking out a minister or ministry to hear a Word from God for me directly: What’s God’s special message for me?  Receiving in ministry is proper and good and has its place in our spiritual lives.  We need it for growth and for building up our faith when the race gets wearisome. But we also need to be careful here because we can become self-focused and even misdirected.   

For example, one person said they “felt in their spirit” that I had not forgiven someone from my childhood.  I took into account what the person said, but I did not accept it as truth in my life. I brought it before the Lord, praying and allowing Him to examine my heart in this area.  These were the truths that were already in place: When I got saved at 18, the people and occurrences that took place during my childhood were the first things God spotlighted in my life.  God healed me where I was fully able to forgive and love those people unconditionally. To extend proof of that forgiveness and healing, I had pursued peace by cultivating relationships with them, knowing the possibility of limited interest on their part.    

Life can leave us questioning when and if true healing has occurred.  After all there are times when we think we are healed from something and then, low and behold, something happens and we find out we are not.  We must allow God to examine the deep waters of our heart so that wholeness and proper healing can occur.

On the flip side, we must be careful not to overly dwell on what one person has said in the name of the Lord.  If God has healed past afflictions, it’s not smart to poke around closed wounds, aggravating old scars. Remember, we are called to freedom in Christ, and we don’t want to entangle ourselves again by those things which once enslaved us (Galatians 5:1, NIV).

I later brought a man I was dating to this ministry with me.  One of the ministers told me I was holding back in my relationship with him, needing to trust so that it could lead to marriage and children.  The man I dated was putting up a front, and what we saw was the mere form this man had created for others to see (See my blog post “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood” for more on how the Holy Spirit helped me through this situation).  Had I continued the relationship with him based on what someone spoke over me in this ministry, it would have ended in a disastrous, short marriage with the likelihood of children involved. Hindsight is everything, but we need to make wise choices before we open doors in our life that should’ve remained shut in the first place.  

In these two cases, the words spoken over me and my life were not God-inspired. Did the people in the ministry mean well? I believe so. As humans, we will not get it right all of the time.  Our human capacity limits us where we get in the way of the Spirit of God. This is why we should test every spirit.    

We should not solely rely on any human and what they minister over us without testing its foundation on the Word of God and the voice of the Holy Spirit.  What people minister into our life should be confirmation of what we have already read and heard. Through His Son, Jesus Christ, God paved a way for us to hear His voice:    

“Long ago, at different times and in various ways, God’s voice came to our ancestors through the Hebrew prophets.  But in these last days, it has come to us through His Son, the One who has been given dominion over all things and through whom all worlds were made” (Hebrews 1:1-2, VOICE).  

According to this Scripture, the voice and witness of Christ in you is powerful enough to keep you inside the will of God.  If you are following the ways of Jesus and living according to God’s Word, then you will know His will (Romans 12:2, NIV).

Let’s look at the covenant God promises us in knowing Him:    

“This is the covenant I will establish with the people of Israel
after that time, declares the Lord.
I will put my laws in their minds
and write them on their hearts. 
I will be their God, 
and they will be my people. 
No longer will they teach their neighbor, 
or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’ 
because they will all know me, 
from the least of them to the greatest.” 
(Hebrews 8:10-11, NIV)

After the time of Moses when the people of Israel were lead out of Egypt (Exodus 13:21-22, NIV), God made a new covenant through His Son for His people.  He would imprint His laws on their innermost thoughts and understanding; He would engrave His laws on their hearts, affecting their regeneration. Therefore, it would be unnecessary for each one to teach his fellow citizen because all will know Him by experience and have knowledge of God, whether educated or uneducated, whether a pastor or a common believer (Hebrews 8:9-11, AMP).     

As we can see here, the Holy Spirit is not contained to a specific minister or ministry.  The church and fellowship with other believers has its proper place in our life. Church is an extension of our fellowship with God, but it is not the end all and means to all.  This covenant from God is for us directly. We all have direct access to God. When Jesus died on the cross, the barrier between The Holy God and sinners was removed:

“And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.  At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom” (Matthew 27: 50-51a, NIV).

“Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings…” (Hebrews 10:19-22a, NIV).

Access to God is no longer limited to the religious leaders and confined to a physical temple.  God is now made accessible to all through His Son’s obedience on the cross.  We can approach Him with confidence because His sacrifice paved the way.    

As you test every spirit, put your trust in Christ.  Your relationship with Christ is the most crucial part of your faith walk.  What others minister over you should be in agreement with what you already know, being rooted and grounded in Christ. He is the Source of abundant life and truth.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

2
Faith

Having a Mama-Heart

Childless women

“…the God who makes the dead alive and summons the things that do not yet exist as though they already do.”
(Romans 4:17b, NET)

We were waiting in line to ride the Mind Winder at our annual Easter festival at my church.  Maci, my niece who was seven years old at the time, wanted to know who would be riding with her.  I had seen her ride this particular ride with her father (my brother) before. It’s the kind where you sit in these tub-like seats; the ride itself spins around in continuous circles while each independent tub manually spins 360 degrees all at the same time. Maci makes sure hers circulates endlessly! I happily bowed out as my brother volunteered to ride with her; I knew my equilibrium couldn’t handle it.

Enjoying our time together as we waited, one little girl behind us shouted out loudly, “My sister has autism!”  She wanted our attention, and she definitely had gotten ours with her statement! Acknowledging her comment, I was more concerned how it made her sister with autism feel since this was no secret to any of us standing near them in the line.   

Soon, all three of the girls in their group captured our attention. We made small talk.  This boisterous and outgoing six year old girl who had made the remark about her sister was hooked arm to arm with whom she called her “BFFFF!”  The only one not speaking in their group was her sister with autism, seemingly alone among her sister and her friend. I watched as her wide eyes followed the ride, which was swinging around in front of us as we waited for our turn.  Looking at me, she mumbled quietly under her breath, “Will you ride with me?”

Before I had a chance to answer, the younger sister hooked arm to arm with her “BFF” announced just as loudly as before that her sister had autism.  I agreed to ride, assuring them that I knew what autism was because I was a teacher.

My new friend was reserved during the ride.  Halfway through it, she told me it was fun. It was the only comment she made while we rode, and I knew she meant it.  Exiting the ride’s gate, her mom thanked me.

I did not realize at the time what an impact this particular moment would have on the rest of my evening.  I had been given a gift! Riding with the little girl I didn’t know and who didn’t know me, she trusted; her younger sister entrusted us with information about her sister as a way to get help and make sure her sister was looked after that night so that they could all enjoy the Mind Winder.  

God was doing something in my mama-heart that night with every encounter I had with the children there. Conversations took place throughout the night with different kids as we waited in each line. Children expressed their anticipation and excitement with me before going on a ride. One girl shared how tall her daddy was as she reached as high up with one hand and as low as she could with her other hand. Frequent visits from a teenager, a student of mine at the time, thought it cool enough to come speak and visit with me.  I received a surprise hug from that same teenager’s little brother that I had only been around a couple of times; it was the kind of hug that’s so big, the child trusts you will catch him or her. These special moments were etched into my memory; it had been a magical night.  

God ministered to me through the kids at the festival that night.  The gaping ache in me that desires a child was radically filled in a moment.  His truth came to life for me: “(as it is written, ‘I have made you a [mother] of many’… the God who makes the dead alive and summons the things that do not yet exist as though they already do” (Romans 4:17 NET, my emphasis added).  That night, God took my “dead” promise of having children that has not yet been actualized, and He breathed life into it as if the fulfillment of the promise were brought into existence.

God blesses us with moments like this, doesn’t He?  He is faithful like that. I can’t explain how, but He does it.  When I woke up the next morning after the festival, I was not asking God to come through for me in this one desire of my life because He had and has so many times before.  

 

A prayer:
Thank you, God, for breathing life into our “dead” hopes, desires, and dreams.  We surrender to You and Your plan for our life as You know what’s best for us. We believe in who You are and what You can do, so we wait in expectation.  May we not overlook Your many wonders You display in our midst. Thank you, Father, for providing all of our needs. Amen.

“Ask and keep on asking and it will be given to you; seek and keep on seeking and you will find; knock and keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who keeps on asking receives, and he who keeps on seeking finds, and to him who keeps on knocking, it will be opened.  Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will [instead] give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will [instead] give him a snake?  If you then, evil (sinful by nature) as you are, know how to give good and advantageous gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven [perfect as He is] give what is good and advantageous to those who keep on asking Him.” (Matthew 7:7-11, AMP)  

“…put [your] hope in God, who richly provides [you] with everything for [your] enjoyment” (1 Timothy 6:17, NIV).   

“‘For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain.  My covenant of blessing will never be broken,’ says the LORD, who has mercy on you” (Isaiah 54:10, NLT).

“He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted” (Job 5:9, NIV).

 

Photo by Jenn Evelyn-Ann on Unsplash

 

      

Faith

Waiting on a Miracle

Waiting on a Miracle

“In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.”
(Psalm 5:3, NIV)

Waiting can be one of the hardest things we do.  Waiting means God’s timing; you may be walking in some prolonged seasons of delay.  As I’ve heard a few times from other Christian writers and speakers, delayed does not mean denied.  This made me think of the story in the Bible of the man that was healed at the Pool of Bethesda.  The disabled would come to this pool because it was known that an angel would come and stir the pool at appointed seasons.  The first one to enter the water after it had been stirred would be healed of their disease. Sounds like a group of people waiting on a miracle, right?  At least they were in the right place and hoped to be there at the right time too for when the season of healing would take place specifically for them. But this one man in particular had been an invalid for 38 years! Not only had his physical healing been delayed after all of that time, but also he had experienced prolonged disappointment, repeatedly looking to God in expectation.  

Jesus asked him his most important question: “Do you want to get well?”(John 5:6, NIV).

We know he waited in expectation because after 38 years, he was still there waiting and hoping for his miracle. He ended up being at the right place and the right time after all, though it was a longer wait than he probably anticipated.  His waiting probably made him feel more like a spectator instead of the recipient that he was hoping to be. These questions come to mind when I think of his situation prior to him receiving his miracle:

-Did he believe the miracle for himself anymore?  

-Had he gotten comfortable with the fact that the Pool of Bethesda had become a place of “hang out” for him rather than a place of miracles?  

-Had he settled, becoming just an observer while watching others receive their miracles?  

Have you, too, ever felt like this about your miracle?  Are you still believing for your miracle? Has church become an ordinary place where you no longer wait in expectation for God to perform His wonders?  Are you merely just a witness of others’ miracles where you no longer believe God will move on your behalf?

Hard trials, unmoved circumstances, and dysfunction can start to feel like the new norm.  We get so use to the heartache, the long journey of unanswered prayer, that we take shelter in the cave of our problems. We get stuck because we’ve been there so long, we don’t know anything else. We can become so comfortable with how things have been that it becomes a part of us, and we don’t realize it sometimes until we finally step out of the cave.

What question do you think God might be posing to you today, specifically to you right now about receiving your miracle?

Do you want to get well?

Do you want to be free?

Do you want to step out of the cave of your problems?  

Do you want to ___________________? (You fill in the blank.)  

Hold on, dear child of God.  Keep watch, and wait for Him.  He has not forgotten you. He has not forsaken you. Listen to His love letter to us who still hope and are waiting…

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13, NIV).

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 31:8, NIV).

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV).

“Be still, and know that I am God…” (Psalm 46:10a, NIV).

“Not one of all the Lord’s good promises to Israel failed; every one was fulfilled” (Joshua 21:45, NIV).

 

Photo by Amanda Bridges-Dunn

 

Faith

How to Persist in the Faith

How to Persist in the Faith

“For physical training is of some value, but godliness (spiritual training) is of value in everything and in every way, since it holds promise for the present life and for the life to come.”
(1 Timothy 4:8, AMP)

 

I learned the hard way how not to minister to others. With the last two people I tried to help, I walked alongside them, taking on their problems like a project. I fed them Scripture and prayed over them continually. Because I did all the work, they never learned to feed themselves with the Word nor seek God on their own. Very little fruit, if any, was produced in them. They would acknowledge the nuggets of truth and wisdom, even regurgitate it back to me, but they weren’t seeing Scripture as their own life preserver. Burnout cannot happen fast enough when you try to carry someone else’s spiritual growth.

Haven’t we all done the same thing?  We get tired. We get weary. It’s easier to complain about our problems, seek people’s comfort, and sometimes even wallow in self-pity.  I find myself getting into this cycle from time to time. When others assist in my problems, I feel better for a time. But soon again, I get back on the same path of needing others to “fix me” and my problems. As much as we would like an instant intervention for our problems, God is the only one who can produce a lasting, changing work, that which is impossible with man.

Should we seek guidance from those more wise than us? Absolutely.  This is what Scripture says about seeking out advice:

“Without consultation and wise advice, plans are frustrated,
But with many counselors they are established and succeed” (Proverbs 15:22, AMP).

I have found much wisdom among other people. I don’t know what I would have done without their godly advice.  Usually the advice is instruction for the next steps in addressing the problem I have or just plainly reminding me to trust God because the situation is totally out of my hands. Hard trials can put me into a whirlwind of confusion fast and may even blur my vision on the facts of the scenario. Sometimes we need direction and/or redirection because we are too close to the problem, and we need an outsider to help us see things clearly.      

Seeking advice and sometimes even venting in a safe place with others isn’t wrong; it can be part of the steps in healing, restoration, and growth.  But others cannot do the work of maturation in us. Take for instance the benefits of investing in your physical body, i.e. working out, eating healthy, etc.  Trainers can suggest a special diet and exercise plan for you, but who ultimately does the work? Most of us have a clear understanding of the effort, time, and energy it takes to improve the physical body.  We also must understand it takes the same kind of effort spiritually; the hard part is pressing on with faithful persistence. We must own our spiritual growth by surrounding ourselves with the body of Christ, spending time with His people, getting in the Word, and maturing in our salvation.

How to Persist in the Faith

-Continue to regularly attend the church you call home even in the times when you don’t feel like going (Hebrews 10:24-25, NKJV).

-Commit to a small group weekly where you are around believers and people with the same mindset that God is good.  Negativity is sure to lurk in the unknown and dark places of your problems, especially when those problems last for a longer season (1 Corinthians 12:12-27, NIRV; Psalm 33:4, NIV and NLT).

-Stay in God’s Word, substituting lies with truths and God’s promises (John 17:17, AMP).

-Continue to work out your own salvation.  Learn what God is trying to show you in your trials.  He is growing you up in Him to will, to work, and to walk out your assigned purpose for His good pleasure (Philippians 2:12-13, AMP).

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Faith

Continually Redeemed

Continually sinning and falling short

“…since all have sinned and continually fall short of the glory of God…”
(Romans 3:23, AMP)

 

It is good to know where we fall short as a sinner.  Let’s make it personal: Why do you need God?  What has He saved you from?  Yes, our salvation in God saves our soul from eternal separation from Him, but what are your personal sins?  If we can’t answer those two questions above, then we see no need for the Savior to rule and reign in our life.  He desires a personal relationship with us, so our answers will be personal, reflecting who we are with and without Him.    

What are some of my personal sins?

-I limit God and all the things He can do in my life.  Because of this, I “light my own fires,” taking matters into my own hands instead of waiting on Him to do the impossible (Luke 1:37 and Isaiah 50:11, NIV).   

-I need approval from others; I am a people pleaser. At times I have focused on man more than I have focused on God and what He wants me to do to please Him (Galatians 1:10, NIV).

-I fight God’s plans for my life and want my own way, a lot of the time; when I look around, I want my life to reflect something closer to what I see that others have rather than what God wants for me.  In my discontentment, I deny His wisdom and discount His plans over my life (Romans 8:28; Romans 8:32; and Jeremiah 29:11, NIV).

-I look for my worth and value in the way others see me and treat me rather than believing in my worth and value in God.  When I do this, I am led by my insecurities and feelings rather than ruled by the Spirit, setting my heart on things here and not above (1 Samuel 16:7; Psalm 139:13-16; Romans 8:5-6; and Colossians 3:1-3, NIV).  

Of the sins of mine that I mentioned above, I see a pattern: the focus and importance of man in my life.  I have looked to man to fill the holes in my soul. I suppose I have been afraid if I reached out to God as my only Source, He couldn’t possibly fill all of my places of longing.  Hence, I have questioned and doubted if God could be enough. In Blaise Pascal’s work Pensees, he states it best:       

“What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself” (Pascal 75).

When not looking to God to fill those empty places in my soul, I have looked to other persons and/or things to do it.  I have expected “that certain something” out of a person or “thing” that it was never created to give me. This would be one of those examples where I see my constant need for God’s redemption in my life.  I have lost my purpose, vision, and identity when man becomes paramount and God’s destiny and redemption is diminished.  

The Scriptures are clear about God’s role and His purpose for man.  To put our trust in ourselves or in man is like leaning on a faulty reed that will bend and sway.  Only God is constant and never changes, so He is the only one we should put our trust:

“Don’t look to men for help; their greatest leaders fail” (Psalm 146:3, TLB).

“It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man” (Psalm 118:8, AMP).

“Stop believing in human beings as so amazing, so capable!
We are short-lived, only a breath from death and worth as much.
What makes us think we’re so special?” (Isaiah 2:22, VOICE).

“God is not a man– He doesn’t lie.
God isn’t the son of man to want to take back what He’s said,
Or say something and not follow through,
or speak and not act on it” (Numbers 23:19, VOICE).

“Jesus Christ is [eternally changeless, always] the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8, AMP).

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning” (James 1:17, NKJV).

Where humans may fail (every time), God will not fail (every time).  It’s a guarantee. Where man is finite in relationship to each other, God is infinite in all ways in relationship to us.  He is Provider, Healer, Father, Friend, Shepherd, and much more.  He is the only One who can provide that primitive need within us for unfailing security.  

My conflict comes from what man could do in my life and not trusting on what God will do.  I am thankful for God’s grace as I break free from my web of struggles (Ephesians 2:8, NLT):   

“For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one;
he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help” (Psalm 22:24, NIV).

I am thankful for God’s long-term patience.  He does not feel contempt or scorn when we don’t catch on immediately.  Rather, His love toward us is everlasting, and His kindness toward us is unfailing (Jeremiah 31:3, NIV). 

What is man that He chose us to hold His Spirit and to carry His name when we are all cracked pots of earth and clay?

“Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes” (Ephesians 1:4, NLT).  

“And they will see his face, and his name will be written on their foreheads” (Revelations 22:4, NLT).  

“But this beautiful treasure is contained in us– cracked pots of earth and clay– so that the transcendent character of this power will be clearly seen as coming from God and not from us” (2 Corinthians 4:7, VOICE).  

We see our sin and know our struggles; He sees a blameless people He loved before the creation of the world, a people He entrusts to display His character in a way that surpasses the ordinary.  He died for you and me, the righteous for the unrighteous, the godly for the ungodly. He promises full redemption in our temporal, corruptible state (1 Corinthians 15:53, AMP).

Today I embrace His constant redemption over my life, continually drawing me closer to Him when my heart wants to stray in setting up the idol of man in my heart.  Today I trust that He will live up to His name in my life because He is everything I need.

 

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Faith | Relationships

Know Your History

Conflict and relationships

“The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settles the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other.” (2 Corinthians 5:17, MSG)

 

Last time in “Our Struggle is Not Against Flesh and Blood,” I focused on how the enemy weasels into our life and how to reinforce change against similar, future attacks.  In this next blog, I will address how the Holy Spirit reveals our own heart to us in our battles with the enemy, along with any unhealthy patterns we have cultivated into our lives that might have given the enemy a foothold.  

 

When our world starts to fall apart, it doesn’t usually take us long to soul- search for its roots of cause and effect. With the past dating relationship I shared about in my last blog, there was conflict and loss, but these kind of experiences are not at the expensive of just waste and pain. They can reveal so much about ourselves and the relationships in our life.  

I admit I had a very hard time writing this third section of my blog. Becoming frustrated in the process, I stopped writing the piece and went back to journaling.  I had to make sense of it and get to the bottom of the heart-issues: Where am I with the issues in my current relationships, and do I truly have it sorted out? What am I responsible for?  With others, what should I look for next time so that the outcome is different?  Otherwise, if I am having a hard time naming it, I cannot change it (MacDonald 67).  Since I recently finished reading Gordon MacDonald’s book Rebuilding Your Broken World, I will be using only the titles to two of his main/sub-points, focusing on what I feel is most important in learning from the broken parts of our world: know your history and know yourself as a sinner (This second point will be addressed in my next blog titled “Continually Redeemed”).  

Know your history.  Have you ever tried to unlearn something that you had learned the wrong way?  We all have. For a lot of us, this may stem all the way back to our childhood where certain attitudes, habits, and behaviors were modeled for us.  For me, my family history of passive-aggressive behaviors that I learned as a child, especially when dealing with conflict in relationships, was not working for me.  Passive-aggressive in my family looks something like this when two are at odds with one another: No one likes to communicate about the conflict at hand. It is easier for everyone to act like nothing ever happened.  We will be cordial with each other when we have get-togethers, but deep down, none of us are really moving on. Rather, we are holding on to the hurts and pain caused by each other in the past, so naturally we don’t healthily work through our conflicts.  Over time, a wedge builds in our hearts toward each other. Consequently, the relationship is tested and overcomes the adversity, or worse, holding onto the offense becomes more important than the relationship. If it’s the latter, bonds are destroyed, and the relationship becomes nonexistent.  

I recognized these same passive-aggressive tendencies in myself.  I would go a long time before saying anything if I was upset about something or with someone.  Next, I would allow frustration to build up in me if similar conflicts continued. Instead of conversing about things as they happened, I held things in and acted like everything was okay; eventually the frustration came out in ways that did not foster a healthy relationship.  I would eventually confront the person about something on a much smaller scale they had done recently that aggravated me rather than tackle the real problem. With some, I would just simply spend less time with them.

I knew things had to change. I needed to be true to myself and true to the other person if I wanted a firm foundation in those relationships that were important to me.  This verse displays pure honesty where our words and actions should align:

“But above all, my fellow believers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath; but let your yes be [a truthful] yes, and your no be [a truthful] no, so that you may not fall under judgment” (James 5:12, AMP). 

No wonder the blow ups or blow outs would come when I handled conflict with others in a passive-aggressive way. I had presented to the other person a facade that everything was okay when it really wasn’t. This is nothing less of being superficial with ourselves, others, and in our relationships:  

“And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you]” (Romans 12:2, AMP).

Being real in our relationships with each other takes spiritual maturity with a whole new infrastructure of values and ethics that are usually in opposition to our learned, worldly ways.  This transformation teeters on whether we will forfeit or embrace God’s best for our life of what He intended for us. Being a Christian means moving forward into God’s ordained design for our new spiritual life in Him:  

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ [that is, grafted in, joined to Him by faith in Him as Savior], he is a new creature [reborn and renewed by the Holy Spirit]; the old things [the previous moral and spiritual condition] have passed away. Behold, new things have come [because spiritual awakening brings new life]” (2 Corinthians 5:17, AMP).   

Look at this version of the verse as it includes, with our new life, how it should affect our relationship with others:

“The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settles the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other” (2 Corinthians 5:17, MSG).

Being a new creation in Him and not conforming any longer to the ways of the world means we change the way that we do our relationships and the way that we think about our relationships with each other.  This change can be hard though because we are more familiar with the “old way of doing things,” those patterns fabricated and habits developed into our relationships, that any change that might bring uneasiness and uncertainty would be better off avoided.  It involves the two accepting, adjusting, and confronting the problems at hand, and rarely are two people on the same page at the same time about issues.  That’s why it’s called conflict. As long as we are in relationships on this earth, conflict is inevitable. Talking about issues you are having with another person is scary. It involves confrontation, and it involves the awkward awareness and realization of self in relation to each other. Satan’s threats entered here for me when I moved in a progressive direction for change in my relationships:   

If you “shine a light” on the weaker parts of the relationship, the other person will be offended and feel like you are finding fault in them.  (Yes, this has happened to me!)

If you confront these problems in the relationship, you will lose them.  (Yes, this has happened to me!)   

No matter how you present it or what you say, you will be misunderstood. (Yes, this has happened to me!)   

If you bring up the past, they will accuse you as someone who is holding onto offense and label you as “unforgiving”. (Yes, this has happened to me!)

They won’t see it as communication but as an aggravation of the situation, seeing you as one who causes drama. (Yes, this has happened to me!)   

In my relationships that needed some type of mending or revamping, all of the threats of Satan that preyed on my fears as the possible outcome did happen to me in some way, form, or fashion. Some welcomed the boundaries and borders; some were flustered by the confrontation of making things better.  Nonetheless, once this “clean sweep” took place, what seemed like a lot of uncertainty in the outcome of these relationships was exactly what I needed. In confronting the issues in myself and in my relationships, I gained peace in understanding the relationships better; I gained respect for who I was in Christ as an instrumental part of the growth in my relationships; and I gained new and healthy relationships, beginning wiser with truthful yes’s and truthful no’s.    

Instead of being locked into my history of how I handle others, and as a new creation in Him, I look to the Scriptures to point me in the direction I hope to follow in my relationships (Matthew 5:23-24; Romans 12:17-21; Proverbs 19:11; Ephesians 4:31-32; Colossians 3:12-14; and Matthew 18:15, etc., NIV).  It takes careful obedience on my part to follow His instructions for me in His Word, and it takes godly wisdom to confront issues in relationships. Relying on God’s wisdom, I am thankful that all I have to do is ask Him for it! (James 1:5, NIV).

 

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Faith | Narcissism | Relationships

“Our struggle is not against flesh and blood…”

I dated a sociopath

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

(Proverbs 4:23, NLT)

 

In my last blog entry, “Overcoming a Relentless Enemy,” I wrote about our vulnerability to the enemy’s attack and that we must activate our faith so that we can withstand the enemy.  In this next part, I will focus on how the enemy weasels into our life and how to reinforce change against similar, future attacks.

Some years ago, I met someone who would play an instrumental part in my life; it was a very painful experience that has proved to be packed full of many lessons learned for me.  At the time when I met this person, I was weighed down by the shame and guilt of divorce. I was only in the beginning stages of nursing those wounds when this person came into my life; he comforted me in my pain, ministered even, by praying for me and quoting Scripture over me.  The problem? This man hid behind a seemingly good reputation, position, and religious good deeds.

This man did appear to have some level of sincerity at times, able to articulate himself with the gospel of peace.  This is what was so confusing for me. He held “a form of [outward] godliness (religion), although [he] denied its power [for his conduct nullified his claim of faith]” (2 Timothy 3:1-5, AMP).      

The Greek word for “form” (of godliness) in this verse conveys the idea that someone is “putting up a front.”  Morphosin is the Greek here, which in our English spelling is morphosis.  The inference of the Greek word morphosis means “appearance” or “to form a semblance.”  Thus, what I was seeing was the mere form he had created for others to see.  

Isn’t is true sometimes that situations with people aren’t always what they seem?  Scripture backs this up:

“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.  By their fruit you will recognize them” (Matthew 7:15-16a, NIV).

“Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising, then, if his servants masquerade as servants of righteousness” (2 Corinthians 11:14-15, NIV).   

This ministry of writing calls for great wisdom.  In no way do I want to “throw someone under the bus” so to speak; this life we live involves interaction with others.  Though I would hope to protect “the other party” as best as I can, I do not wish to hide being deceived by my own heart: “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who can understand it?”(Jeremiah 17:9, NIV).  

YES, there were red flags, many of them and from the very beginning!  I suppose I missed having a spouse and longed for what I once had.  I reasoned through this particular man’s schemes. I questioned my ability to discern accurately and wisely through the situation with this man since I had just gone through a divorce and wondered if that whole relationship had been a mistake.  I suddenly became indecisive about any decisions in my life and sort of froze in place! I just decided not to make any big decisions, good or bad.  I doubted myself, so how could I make right judgements about someone else?

What helped me get out of this relationship with this man?

The Holy Spirit.  My friends. Pastoral counselors.  Accepting truth. And the final stamp of obedience to walk away from something that did not have God’s approval!

From this experience with this man, this is what I ultimately learned about the way the enemy weasels into our life and how to strengthen reinforcements for similar, future attacks:         

-I realize that we need to be on our guard for any “surprise” traps of the enemy when we have undergone any initial and great hardship; we can lose balance in our mind, will, and emotions for a time until Jesus heals us in that situation.

-Feed the spirit but starve the emotion.  Tumultuous relationships like these (which I recommended NOT entering) bring in high emotions.  Without the Holy Spirit’s help, we will feed the nature of man, its sinful nature guided by worldliness (Romans 8:3-4, NIV).  We will lower our standards, fighting back in the same way people in the world fight each other. If we follow our fleshly desires in this regard, we forfeit God’s intended peace over our life and the good plan He ultimately has for us.  Instead, we settle for something less fulfilling just to obtain that temporary want or desire within us that most likely will lead to disaster down the road (Romans 12:1-2, NIV). Our spirit-man in the faith must be kept stronger, focused and ready at all times for what wars against the nature of man (Philippians 3:15-21, MSG; Ephesians 6:10-19, AMP; Romans 7:14-25, NIV).

-The Word is powerful, but we must separate the power of His Word from the vehicle behind the Word. We cannot be deceived here. Words are powerful! (Proverbs 18:21, NIV). Even Eve in the Garden of Eden bought into what the crafty serpent had to say about the tree of the knowledge of good and evil because he was using, or rather, replaying the same words that had a higher authority behind them. With this man I met, it was similar. A good friend counseled me on this man’s statements I had fallen for every time he would say them (specific Scriptures, repeated phrases of God-like encouragement, etc.); she said that anything good he would say to me was not from him, but to think of it as from the Lord. His charm and way with words did not work on me anymore after I considered this perspective!  

-Don’t fight your battles alone and on your own! First, you have the Holy Spirit who will guide you to places of truth (John 16:13, NIV); He may even warn you (Acts 20:23, NIV).  Second, we make up the body of Christ; we were not created to do life alone. My closest friends that truly know me helped untangle the mess in my heart. They made me consider questions regarding my future and future family with this man if things were to go down that road.  They also assured me of my past, that I was a trusting person in my marriage and prior dating relationships, yet not with this man. After all, if this man was trustworthy, there shouldn’t have been trust issues at all, right?

-Obedience, obedience, obedience!!!!!!!  This lesson came for me at a high cost! Because I had ignored the warnings of the Holy Spirit, along with offhandedly dismissing the red flags in which my spirit bore witness, there were consequences to bear.  I believe the consequences of my disobedience were as much or maybe even more far reaching than the actual toxic relationship itself. The aftermath of fears and paranoia (not to mention the trust issues to believe someone else again or in trusting myself because ultimately I let this person into my life) would continue long after not seeing this man anymore.  Consequently, a lot of unnecessary “repair” in my life had to be implemented because I was not obedient to the Holy Spirit.  I had to accept the damage of losing some people in my life while he would win some over with his tactful ways and with his skewed version of things to cover and protect himself in the situation.  I had to overcome his gaslighting statements that he would somehow control my life’s future and outcome. I had to replace those thoughts with reminders about who God is, in and through my life:

Jesus is Lord over my life and over the universe (Acts 17:24, NIV).  We serve an Omnipotent God who has power over all things and whose power is infinite and limitless.   

“What [God] opens no [man] can shut, and what [God] shuts no [man] can open” (Revelation 3:8, NIV with my emphasis).  

Ultimately, we are responsible for what or who we allow into our life, and we are responsible for guarding our heart that determines the course of our life (Proverbs 4:23, NLT).  So, I want to encourage you with this last word: “Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you– guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us” (2 Timothy 1:14, NIV).  

In my next blog, I will address how the Holy Spirit reveals our own hearts to us in our battles with the enemy, along with any unhealthy patterns we have cultivated into our lives that might have given the enemy a foothold.  

 

Photo by David Beale on Unsplash

 

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