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A Letter to Myself

Between my divorce and now, you know what happened in the middle? You found Him (God). Those years in between felt like an exile, but you learned what a home was and made one for yourself. You learned to be decisive without overthinking and worrying since your life is in His hands. You learned to give up control of who people are and how they treat you. You learned to be content in any and all circumstances. You found peace. A man didn’t give you any of these things, which means now your expectations on another have been minimalized. This gives the other person in your life license to be who they are, accepting them just as they are. Just don’t forget your value and stick up for yourself when need be. You are a person with a will and emotions, unique and valued. You need to take care of yourself rather than look to another human being to do it for you.

You have made mistakes. You are making mistakes. You will make mistakes. This is a part of life. When you get hard on yourself for your screw ups, remember the advice and consoling encouragement you give others. You give so much grace to others; you are worthy of it too. Do you hold mistakes over people’s heads? No. So don’t do it to yourself. Let God have the final say. He knew what you would do before you did it and still thought you were worth dying for.

You are excited and scared at this juncture of your life. You fear these three things most right now: getting your heart broken, failing health, and being alone. At one point all of these things are going to happen in some shape, form, or fashion. You’ve faced these kind of situations before, and you made it. You survived. Remember what that Springville Camp preacher said about people who have suffered most? “They are the most dangerous people in the world because they know they can survive.” You are a survivor and an overcomer. Whether these things are healed here on earth or in heaven, you win. You will survive any storm thrown your way on this earth because you trust in God who is your anchor of hope. He has never forsaken you or left you alone. Ever. And He never will. When everything else changes around you, God will not. He is your constant. He is peace. He is hope. He is strength. Run to Him when you get tired and weary.

What if _________ isn’t the one? What if you never marry again? Continue to walk in the path God shows you and do not fear. God’s plans for you are bigger and greater than any dream you could ever conjure up for yourself. It will all work out in the end exactly the way it was supposed to all along.

You’re surprised when something good happens to you. You’ve always waited for the other shoe to drop. God has good things planned for you, plans from long ago that cannot be thwarted, which means you cannot mess things up enough and neither can those who might oppose you. You and your contenders are just not powerful enough to change your destiny; only God is.

So rest. Rest is active spiritual warfare. You are just now learning what that is, and it has proved more effective than you expected. God has more things to show you. Let go and let God. You are in the best of hands. You are His beloved.

Photo by Freddy Castro on Unsplash

August 7, 2019

The Brave Missionary

One thing I’ve noticed when talking to missionaries is their passion and ability to hold onto their stories and retell them in such a profound and vivid way. Ask any missionary about their mission work, and be ready to hear an out-pouring of their heart. They are more than willing to share their stories, full of detailed experiences that have made a significant mark on their life. I’ve enjoyed listening to their stories too. I also have visited countries on mission trips and have found that my visits and interaction with the nationals have left a lasting impression on my life.

Something about missionaries’ stories and their enthusiasm to share them makes me want to partake as an observant listener. I savor their stories as if slowly sipping on a hot cup of tea. Mix passion with a true account of something, and I am drawn in instantly. I de-stress, and with ease, as they reenter that world, I enter with them. That’s what happened to me one Sunday when I visited the Harris family. I would enter their world of mission work as they told me their story.

In 1976 while cleaning a church auditorium and listening to a taped sermon of a missionary to the Philippines, Travis and Earlene Harris responded to the call to become missionaries. Mr. Harris was pastoring a church in Phenix City, Alabama. They went on deputation to raise support and then arrived in Holland late summer of ‘78. The young couple in their late 20’s with their three children at the time (11, 9, and 2 years of age) would move to Europe, giving up their home; the closeness of extended family; financial security; the familiarity of like-minded people who spoke their same language; and a freedom state of government for a more regulatory one.

The countries of Holland/Belgium were their choice areas of ministry since it was very populated with over 25 million people. It wouldn’t be as easy as selling everything they had, flying to Europe, and picking up life where they left off in the United States though. Starting off as a missionary came with its challenges. Especially earlier on, Mrs. Harris explained how she didn’t want to leave the house because of the language barrier and not understanding their currency. Feeling vulnerable, she said they had to learn for a while how not to be stressed.

There always seemed to be some type of new challenge to overcome, too, even after living in the country for several years. Towards the end of their ministry, something as simple as having trash picked up proved to be an ordeal. People who lived there had to sign up and pay for the trash containers, using only the bins provided by the government. Nothing was wasted; everything was recycled. The city wouldn’t recognize the Harris’ since their latest permission to stay in the country had been delayed, so they ended up having to live with their own trash in the storage closet of their home. A US military service man found out about the situation and politely offered to secretly dispose of the trash at the local military base. Even though nothing major might have happened if caught in this arrangement, it’s just one of those little things that compounds the stressful situation they were already in.

Medical attention is vastly different in Europe than in the United States. Dentists and doctors work out of their homes for basic care. The person scheduling the appointment, preparing the service, and practicing medicine might all be a one man operation. Mrs. Harris shared how she had a growth underneath her skin near her eye. The home care, primary doctor told her it needed to be lanced at the hospital. She would arrive at the hospital on the day that particular procedure would be performed on her and all others that needed similar services. They would be seated in rows and moved down like an assembly line until their turn. Once called back, the doctors performed the procedure without any protective face masks and surgical gloves. If an instrument was dropped during the procedure, no sterilization was used. They would pick it up and continue where they left off. Also in some cases, no anesthetic was used to numb the pain for the patient during a procedure. Not only would the pain of some topical procedures be felt by the patient but also one would be well aware of what was happening to them during the duration of the procedure. Once Mrs. Harris was told she had to have back surgery. After discussing it with her husband, he sent her back to the states for surgery. Taking the x-rays with her, a US doctor examined them and said her back was fine; it was her hip that was out of socket, which they popped back into place. This was a good call for the Harris’. Although any medical practice, whether in Europe or the States, is likely to make poor judgment calls, at least Mrs. Harris didn’t have to go through that traumatizing event for nothing.

With the couple being in their 70’s now, what stirred my heart the most was hearing Mr. Harris’s continued burden for the people in Holland and Belgium. He spoke of their lost faith. Roughly 3%, mostly the older generation, attend church. With such a devastating history, these area European countries have always been run over in terms of the global conflict of both world wars, especially the second. The turn toward Humanism after WWII could have been connected to the desolation that Germany left both countries in and why it had happened. Many of the religious leaders gave into the Nazis so readily. All that together most likely had an effect and made way for Humanistic ideologies. It is unimaginable what the people went through and how it affected their belief and the belief of future generations. What did the effects of that look like for the Harris’ as a Christian missionary family? Mr. Harris said he probably knocked on 3,000 doors, and the people were so hardhearted in hearing the gospel, they’d ignore him.

Returning to life in the States after being missionaries in Europe for 30 years, they felt displaced. It was hard to know where home was for the Harris’. Mr. Harris explained the struggle by quoting what Gerald Rose, a missionary friend, once said: “Being in Europe, you miss the comforts of the United States. Being in the United States, you feel the burden to be in Europe. I just finally told a man one day when he asked where home was, I told him it’s where my wife is.” These last shared statements really moved me. Missionaries make life-long connections to a people not their own, but their true home is found in their familial relationships (which I have observed is the case for most missionary families I have met). I’ve spent a few Sundays with the Harris family now, and I’m envious of their strong family bond. Living in America, they relied on outside institutions that procured a stable and secure way of life; once in Europe, they gave up those comforts where they would turn inward and cling to each other, and God, for reassurance of an unknown future. I am convinced that a family that will sacrifice for a greater purpose than themselves will secure everlasting bonds that couldn’t be achieved otherwise. This was the result for the Harris family— all because a young couple decided to be brave and go (Matthew 28:18-20).

I admire people like the Harris’ and other missionaries, mainly for the sacrifices they make. They sacrifice the pleasures and comforts of a normal life, which may include but not limited to, the luxuries of air conditioning, clean drinking water, hot showers, and the convenience and closeness of familial relations. They forego a private life in their monies, and most of all, what we take for granted—the quietness of life. They lay their life down only to yield it up for the greater purpose to serve others. They live a life of needs, not wants, denying themselves the indulgences and pleasures of what most of us see as the American dream. To me, the life of a missionary is poignant, defined, and centered—the most simple life— free from the distractions that so readily and easily strangle true joy. And the most astounding wonder of all? Missionaries, like the Harris’, choose this life of surrender, knowingly and willingly.

I ask myself, what is it about the missionary and their stories that wet my appetite to hear more. A heightened sense of gratification pours out of missionaries where worldly pleasures become “other,” obsolete and unnecessary; true freedom is found with less entanglements. When one lives out a spiritual calling for God, what really matters comes to the surface, and all other cares and concerns ebb away. It’s the essence of “less is more,” and it seems the happiest life.

Like the Harris’, I carry my heart for missions in a similar way. In my home, I have a small nook where I do my daily devotions. It’s a refuge and hideaway for me. My special spot holds the faces of people I’ve met in El Salvador and Costa Rica on mission trips. The hyperbole that a picture is worth a thousand words speaks true. Each stilled photograph captures a face containing a complexity of emotions: loss, concern, worry, contentment, growth, and hope. Void of anything superficial, I continually peek into the photographs of their lives as a reminder of what’s most important in this life. Like a mirror, their faces remind me of who I am and, more so, of what I long to be—an offering poured out for others and for my God.

August 2, 2019 2

Giving Up Your Isaac

“Then God said, ‘Take your son, your only son, whom you love– Isaac– and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on the mountain I will show you.’” (Genesis 22:2, NIV)

I thought I was doing good by holding this one area in my life with open hands. Yes, that’s how I prayed about it too: Here, God. It’s yours, not mine, so I bring it to you with open hands. That prayer seemed to keep my anxious thoughts at bay for a little while, until it didn’t work anymore.

While working the Freedom conference at my church this spring (2019), I was thankful to be on the intercessor team where I could pray, focus, and worship. Although I bathed the red team (prayer team) in prayer, God was doing His own work in my heart over a man I had fallen in love with, yet couldn’t find real rest about him or the relationship. We were two very different people, opposites in more ways than not; we had both been hurt badly in our past marriage and dating relationships. Instead of drawing on those things to strengthen our relationship, it inevitably seemed to be tearing us apart. We were both very leery of trusting one another. I felt I was at a crossroads with it all. I couldn’t go on like this anymore, and I felt he couldn’t either. Neither of us wanted to call it quits, so our relationship coasted on little to no communication. The current state of the relationship was eating at me on the inside. My heart was broken.

As I circled the room in prayer, God spoke to me: You’ve kept your hands open with him, but you need to lay him down. I was not expecting this word quite honestly. I was hoping for a quick-fix answer, a solution to the current state of our relationship. I felt dismay. I could only understand God’s command in one way only: I needed to let him go by placing him, my heart for him, at the foot of the cross. Everything in my flesh cried out to clinch him in those opened hands and tell God, “No!” But I knew there was no use in fighting God. I wouldn’t get what I wanted or rather what God wanted for me if I disobediently rebelled in the opposite direction of His instructions.

During lunch break on the last day of the conference, I opened up to a friend who was working the conference with me. As I presented my case, she agreed that there seemed to be no use holding onto the relationship in its current state, one where God seemed to be speaking release.

The Freedom conference resumed after lunch, and the next topic presented was on despair and the feeling of hopelessness. My friend, whom I had just shared my story, was sitting next to me. We looked at each other, knowing the message was as much for me as the participants of the conference. As participants were called forth for prayer, my spirit did a nose dive, and my upper body burrowed into my friend’s arms. I poured my heart out to her this time without holding back any of my feelings. The despair and hopelessness wasn’t just over the man I loved. I’d hit another dead end, something that felt like a common thread throughout my life in the past decade. Quite frankly, I was tired of it and expressed those feelings. I was beyond frustrated. Tears streamed down my face while we both prayed over the situation. As my friend finished her prayer over me, she spoke to my clasped hope: “You will have to let it go, and I know it feels like there is no hope, but with Jesus, there is always hope.” Her words brought a spirit-infused hope to my soul.

Her prayer and her words of encouragement sealed it. Like a burnt offering, I had “sacrificed” him entirely on the altar– the whole: I laid him down. I laid down my wanting heart– my strong, stubborn will to have him, and I laid down all my dreams of a future I had conjured up in my mind with him.

Through the piercing pain of heartache, I was thankful I had met him. I didn’t regret one moment with him. I didn’t even regret the pain of having to let him go. It was a test that would become a part of my testimony. Although I knew I loved him very much, I knew I loved Jesus more. The sacrifice was a tribute to the God I love. Though it wasn’t easy, it was necessary.

I believe God is still writing this story. He has shown me so much as I have continued to obey His word to let go of something my heart longed to control. I believe this principle is at work here: “Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you’ll have it forever, real and eternal” (John 12:24-25, MSG).

And that is the hope. It’s the sacrifice, death, and resurrection of something that has to die so that something greater will be.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

June 7, 2019 1

Thank You for Not Leaving Me Alone

“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” (Zephaniah 3:17, ESV)

Sometimes loneliness creeps in. Being in a more vulnerable state, I suppose my spirit is more sensitive to the way God touches my soul. God orchestrates His love and kindness through people in every day, ordinary places:

-A two year old’s hug that turns into a 30 minute comforting embrace

-An elderly married couple of 50+ years who decide as they pass by to involve me in their playful banter, displaying the grace and love of their long-term relationship

-A brother in Christ I’ve never met who sends daily motivational quotes about discipline and dreams

-A friend who daily shares encouragement through the scriptures

-A neighbor who welcomes me in her home and lends a listening ear

-A family-friend who invites me to her children’s birthday party even though I am the only woman there without children of my own (understanding that I celebrate their joy without resentment or jealousy)

-A man who sits down with me at his grandchildren’s birthday party and asks me to share my testimony

-A woman who stops her chores at an event to speak hope over my life and my future husband

-A friend just a text away who puts up with my sometimes distorted analysis of things and bears under the weight of my heart’s folly

-A loved one who drops what he is doing, drives over to give me a hug, and quotes scripture over me when a medical test result comes in and another one must follow

These people made room in their day and busy lives to love on me in their own special way. With pure intentions, they weren’t looking for something in return. They gave, and some of them keep on giving. I recognize it as God’s tangible way of loving on me– the hands and feet of Jesus that came to visit a lonely woman. Though lonely at times, I am reminded that I am not alone. May we be enlightened on how He loves on us through others, and may we be sensitive to the Holy Spirit on how He can use us in everyday ordinary places in ordinary ways to touch other people’s lives. The small things add up and make a significant difference in a person’s life. I know it does in mine and am thankful.

May 15, 2019 2

A Year After “First Things First”

“Jesus answered, ‘My Father has been working until now, and I have been working.’” (John 5:17, NKJV)

Last year at this time, I started my blog and had gone through a fasting of negative thoughts about myself after many unanswered prayers. Although my prayers haven’t been answered, I can see God arranging and rearranging things around in my life.

Since God seemed silent on the subject of me becoming a parent, I pursued fostering. I had been approved and licensed as a foster parent, yet it took two years before I got my first placement. Why had it taken so long? Was the setback God’s answer for me on foster care? I remember praying at this agonizing juncture, “Just do something, God.” I had become desperate to see God move in my behalf on any one of my unanswered prayers.

In the waiting, I went into planning mode and set some attainable goals for myself. I met with a university advisor about pursuing a PhD. I also signed up for that summer’s missions trip through my church.

With a new plan already in motion, DHR called a week and a half later. I gained two sibling girls, 3 and 8 years old. To put it mildly, it was the hardest thing I had ever done. I lost sleep. Every day I was running on fumes of leftover energy by evening. Even my health suffered as I was unable to get well while I had them. I needed relief. The strain of the situation overshadowed the blessing of having the girls.

My mindset going into foster care was that this was the only way I would have children. Shortly after the girls left, His gentle spirit spoke to mine: “You limited me, and I couldn’t bless it.” Not only had His loving correction revealed my lack of faith but also unveiled the promise that there are no limitations with Him and that His plan is to bless me with children in just the exact way He intends (Luke 1:37, ESV).

Seeing how hard fostering as a single parent was, I redirected my prayers. I stepped back and searched my heart. Was it children I wanted after all? The sting of not having children had, in fact, become less, but if children were a promise in my future, I knew I couldn’t do it alone and that meant praying for a mate.

This redirection of my prayers brought to mind one particular Father’s Day right after my divorce. My church had a family event that day at a play station with go-karts, miniature golf, and roller skating. I had planned to go and meet friends there. Being that the crowd would mostly be families, I just couldn’t bring myself to go. Tears of sadness, anger, and frustration streamed down my face. God’s spirit spoke to me in the middle of my distress: “Pray for your husband.” I couldn’t believe it. The impact of those words brought me to my knees right there in my bedroom floor. Stunned, I wondered, “This is the stem of my grief and pain, and You’re telling me to pray for my husband? Which one? The one I just lost, or the one I could gain, because right now, I don’t want to pray for one.” I knew the answer in my spirit. It was for the one to come. I begrudgingly complied. The attitude of my prayer reflected something like this: “There, God. I prayed for my husband. And that is all I want to pray about that right now.” Though my prayer was short and half-heartedly felt, a supernatural calm suppressed my grief momentarily as His instructions for me to pray contained the promise of someone in my future, that He was already working on it.

Entering this past summer of 2018, God spoke the word “rest”. Funny thing is the word had an adverse effect on me. He wanted me to stop, and I wanted to go. After all, rest sounds wasteful and unproductive, right? I threw myself into more obligations and responsibilities than ever before. On top of working full-time and keeping up my house, I taught two Bible studies and took a graduate English course at the university. By the time October had rolled around, I was hitting burnout fast. And by mid-November, I made decisions of what “rest” would look like for me in the next semester. After prayerful consideration, I would focus on individual discipleship with a few as time permitted rather than the weekly commitment of preparing and teaching Bible studies.

As soon as I freed up space and room in my life, I met someone special. I opened my heart for the first time in a very long time. Even though it wasn’t the outcome I had hoped for, I learned. I learned I can love freely. I learned about conflict and fair fighting. I learned the importance of communication. I learned that it is an area of my life that I am waiting in expectation yet in His timing and will.

There were so many times this past year that I thought I knew what was best for me. From here, I continue to place my hand in God’s and venture into the unknown. I worry sometimes that I will make a blunder of things. Then the Holy Spirit comforts me with His Word: “Then I will make something beautiful out of the mess” (Romans 8:28, NIV). His promises ensure that we don’t walk alone (Isaiah 41:13, NIV). And because of that, we can be encouraged that God is always working and that He is writing our story.

Scriptures for Today

With great adversity and unanswered prayers, we can feel abandoned by God. Rest in His promises:

“Jesus answered, ‘My Father has been working until now, and I have been working’” (John 5:17, NKJV).

“For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.” (Isaiah 41:13, NIV)

“Look here. I have made you a part of Me, written you on the palms of My hands. Your city walls are always on My mind, always My concern” (Isaiah 49:16, VOICE).

“Who among you fears the Lord?
Who obeys the voice of His Servant?
Who walks in darkness
And has no light?
Let him trust in the name of the Lord
And rely upon his God.” (Isaiah 50:10, NKJV)

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

March 24, 2019 2

How to Start Reading the Bible

“For the word of God is living and active and full of power [making it operative, energizing, and effective]. It is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating as far as the division of the soul and spirit [the completeness of a person], and of both joints and marrow [the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and judging the very thoughts and intentions of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12, AMP)

Growing up Catholic, we heard Bible passages read by the priest during mass. Mom held onto the little white Bible received at my baptism as a keepsake. A large family Bible was displayed underneath the squared-glass living room coffee table in our home, merely for looks like the other knickknacks around the house. As a family, we were familiar with The Book in our surroundings, but the Word did not live in our hearts.

Fresh out of high school, I developed friendships with a group of believers on the junior college campus I attended. My new Christian friends made an impression on me. They were full of life, love, and genuine concern about the spiritual condition of others. They used the Scriptures to encourage others; this living water of the Word flowed out of them like a river (John 7:38, NIV). My desire to read and know the Word came from this outpouring that flowed out of them. As they encouraged me with the Word, I developed a heart of faith:

“So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God” (Romans 10:17, NKJV).

This experience would lead me to read God’s Word for myself. Starting with Genesis, I became a disciplined reader. At first, I wanted to know everything in it for its knowledge, and I wanted to understand what it meant to be a committed Christian. Though the Word of God always breathed life into me, it would take many years before duty (my daily reading the Bible, check it off the to-do list) would turn into a real love for His Word. My reading for knowledge turned into a desire to know God deeper, solidifying a relationship with Christ.

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How to Start Reading the Bible

Start somewhere! If you don’t want to start at the beginning in Genesis, start where you are in life. Here are some suggestions:
- Read the gospel of John if you are a new believer. Why this book? It is an account of Jesus’s walk here on earth from the perspective of John who was one of the pillars, someone in Jesus’s inner circle. It follows the ministry of Jesus as He came to earth to fulfill His purpose for us.
- Read the Psalms if you are facing heartache. Each psalm is relatively short. As each psalm is written like a prayer, this book will also increase your comfort level on how to communicate with God.
- Read Proverbs if you need wisdom. Though it navigates various topics, it reads relatively simple and easy from one idea to the next with implications that are hard to forget.

Make a daily habit out of it. Decide ahead of time when you will do it, and discipline yourself to do it. I like to read in the morning. I have always arrived to my workplace fifteen to thirty minutes before my workday begins to make sure that time is set aside.

Limit distractions! Get the most you can out of this time of reading and studying the Word. It can be hard for us to disconnect from the world and our responsibilities, but time well-spent in the Word is profitable for you and for those around you when you do reconnect with the world.

Once you have read the whole Bible from Old Testament to New Testament, keep on reading! Does your physical body need food every day? Likewise, your spirit needs its proper food: “Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4, NIV).

Don’t just read it. Study it. Reading a text and studying a text are two very different approaches. In my 8th grade English language arts classroom, I allow my students to read the text first as a whole (chapter or passage). Then we go back over it, breaking down its segments and parts. Seeing it modeled for us sometimes is the best teacher. Studies by Beth Moore are very helpful and useful in seeing how to breakdown word origins and how to approach a passage for study and deeper understanding of His Word. Also, research and learn how to access resources like The Logos Bible app (It’s free!) that will enhance your study of the Word.

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Scripture affirms that Jesus is the Word (John 1:1-3 and 14, NIV; Ephesians 4:8-10, TLB) and that Jesus is the revelation of the true nature and person of God. There is no better way to know Him than by reading His Word.

Photo by Anthony Garand on Unsplash

January 8, 2019

Test Every Spirit

“My loved ones, do not put your faith in every spirit, but put them to the test, to see if they are from God…” (1 John 4:1a, BBE).

For a few years I frequented a five-fold ministry where the leaders actively used their gifts given by God for building up the body of Christ (Ephesians 4:11-12 and 1 Corinthians 12:4-11, NIV). Although this ministry gave me refreshment and encouragement, there were moments when my spirit was not in agreement with some of the prophecy and the counsel spoken over me. I suppose at the time I was seeking out a minister or ministry to hear a Word from God for me directly: What’s God’s special message for me? Receiving in ministry is proper and good and has its place in our spiritual lives. We need it for growth and for building up our faith when the race gets wearisome. But we also need to be careful here because we can become self-focused and even misdirected.

For example, one person said they “felt in their spirit” that I had not forgiven someone from my childhood. I took into account what the person said, but I did not accept it as truth in my life. I brought it before the Lord, praying and allowing Him to examine my heart in this area. These were the truths that were already in place: When I got saved at 18, the people and occurrences that took place during my childhood were the first things God spotlighted in my life. God healed me where I was fully able to forgive and love those people unconditionally. To extend proof of that forgiveness and healing, I had pursued peace by cultivating relationships with them, knowing the possibility of limited interest on their part.

Life can leave us questioning when and if true healing has occurred. After all there are times when we think we are healed from something and then, low and behold, something happens and we find out we are not. We must allow God to examine the deep waters of our heart so that wholeness and proper healing can occur.

On the flip side, we must be careful not to overly dwell on what one person has said in the name of the Lord. If God has healed past afflictions, it’s not smart to poke around closed wounds, aggravating old scars. Remember, we are called to freedom in Christ, and we don’t want to entangle ourselves again by those things which once enslaved us (Galatians 5:1, NIV).

I later brought a man I was dating to this ministry with me. One of the ministers told me I was holding back in my relationship with him, needing to trust so that it could lead to marriage and children. The man I dated was putting up a front, and what we saw was the mere form this man had created for others to see (See my blog post “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood” for more on how the Holy Spirit helped me through this situation). Had I continued the relationship with him based on what someone spoke over me in this ministry, it would have ended in a disastrous, short marriage with the likelihood of children involved. Hindsight is everything, but we need to make wise choices before we open doors in our life that should’ve remained shut in the first place.

In these two cases, the words spoken over me and my life were not God-inspired. Did the people in the ministry mean well? I believe so. As humans, we will not get it right all of the time. Our human capacity limits us where we get in the way of the Spirit of God. This is why we should test every spirit.

We should not solely rely on any human and what they minister over us without testing its foundation on the Word of God and the voice of the Holy Spirit. What people minister into our life should be confirmation of what we have already read and heard. Through His Son, Jesus Christ, God paved a way for us to hear His voice:

“Long ago, at different times and in various ways, God’s voice came to our ancestors through the Hebrew prophets. But in these last days, it has come to us through His Son, the One who has been given dominion over all things and through whom all worlds were made” (Hebrews 1:1-2, VOICE).

According to this Scripture, the voice and witness of Christ in you is powerful enough to keep you inside the will of God. If you are following the ways of Jesus and living according to God’s Word, then you will know His will (Romans 12:2, NIV).

Let’s look at the covenant God promises us in knowing Him:

“This is the covenant I will establish with the people of Israel
after that time, declares the Lord.
I will put my laws in their minds
and write them on their hearts.
I will be their God,
and they will be my people.
No longer will they teach their neighbor,
or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’
because they will all know me,
from the least of them to the greatest.”
(Hebrews 8:10-11, NIV)

After the time of Moses when the people of Israel were lead out of Egypt (Exodus 13:21-22, NIV), God made a new covenant through His Son for His people. He would imprint His laws on their innermost thoughts and understanding; He would engrave His laws on their hearts, affecting their regeneration. Therefore, it would be unnecessary for each one to teach his fellow citizen because all will know Him by experience and have knowledge of God, whether educated or uneducated, whether a pastor or a common believer (Hebrews 8:9-11, AMP).

As we can see here, the Holy Spirit is not contained to a specific minister or ministry. The church and fellowship with other believers has its proper place in our life. Church is an extension of our fellowship with God, but it is not the end all and means to all. This covenant from God is for us directly. We all have direct access to God. When Jesus died on the cross, the barrier between The Holy God and sinners was removed:

“And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom” (Matthew 27: 50-51a, NIV).

“Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings…” (Hebrews 10:19-22a, NIV).

Access to God is no longer limited to the religious leaders and confined to a physical temple. God is now made accessible to all through His Son’s obedience on the cross. We can approach Him with confidence because His sacrifice paved the way.

As you test every spirit, put your trust in Christ. Your relationship with Christ is the most crucial part of your faith walk. What others minister over you should be in agreement with what you already know, being rooted and grounded in Christ. He is the Source of abundant life and truth.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

December 24, 2018 2

Having a Mama-Heart

“…the God who makes the dead alive and summons the things that do not yet exist as though they already do.”
(Romans 4:17b, NET)

We were waiting in line to ride the Mind Winder at our annual Easter festival at my church. Maci, my niece who was seven years old at the time, wanted to know who would be riding with her. I had seen her ride this particular ride with her father (my brother) before. It’s the kind where you sit in these tub-like seats; the ride itself spins around in continuous circles while each independent tub manually spins 360 degrees all at the same time. Maci makes sure hers circulates endlessly! I happily bowed out as my brother volunteered to ride with her; I knew my equilibrium couldn’t handle it.

Enjoying our time together as we waited, one little girl behind us shouted out loudly, “My sister has autism!” She wanted our attention, and she definitely had gotten ours with her statement! Acknowledging her comment, I was more concerned how it made her sister with autism feel since this was no secret to any of us standing near them in the line.

Soon, all three of the girls in their group captured our attention. We made small talk. This boisterous and outgoing six year old girl who had made the remark about her sister was hooked arm to arm with whom she called her “BFFFF!” The only one not speaking in their group was her sister with autism, seemingly alone among her sister and her friend. I watched as her wide eyes followed the ride, which was swinging around in front of us as we waited for our turn. Looking at me, she mumbled quietly under her breath, “Will you ride with me?”

Before I had a chance to answer, the younger sister hooked arm to arm with her “BFF” announced just as loudly as before that her sister had autism. I agreed to ride, assuring them that I knew what autism was because I was a teacher.

My new friend was reserved during the ride. Halfway through it, she told me it was fun. It was the only comment she made while we rode, and I knew she meant it. Exiting the ride’s gate, her mom thanked me.

I did not realize at the time what an impact this particular moment would have on the rest of my evening. I had been given a gift! Riding with the little girl I didn’t know and who didn’t know me, she trusted; her younger sister entrusted us with information about her sister as a way to get help and make sure her sister was looked after that night so that they could all enjoy the Mind Winder.

God was doing something in my mama-heart that night with every encounter I had with the children there. Conversations took place throughout the night with different kids as we waited in each line. Children expressed their anticipation and excitement with me before going on a ride. One girl shared how tall her daddy was as she reached as high up with one hand and as low as she could with her other hand. Frequent visits from a teenager, a student of mine at the time, thought it cool enough to come speak and visit with me. I received a surprise hug from that same teenager’s little brother that I had only been around a couple of times; it was the kind of hug that’s so big, the child trusts you will catch him or her. These special moments were etched into my memory; it had been a magical night.

God ministered to me through the kids at the festival that night. The gaping ache in me that desires a child was radically filled in a moment. His truth came to life for me: “(as it is written, ‘I have made you a [mother] of many’… the God who makes the dead alive and summons the things that do not yet exist as though they already do” (Romans 4:17 NET, my emphasis added). That night, God took my “dead” promise of having children that has not yet been actualized, and He breathed life into it as if the fulfillment of the promise were brought into existence.

God blesses us with moments like this, doesn’t He? He is faithful like that. I can’t explain how, but He does it. When I woke up the next morning after the festival, I was not asking God to come through for me in this one desire of my life because He had and has so many times before.

A prayer:
Thank you, God, for breathing life into our “dead” hopes, desires, and dreams. We surrender to You and Your plan for our life as You know what’s best for us. We believe in who You are and what You can do, so we wait in expectation. May we not overlook Your many wonders You display in our midst. Thank you, Father, for providing all of our needs. Amen.

“Ask and keep on asking and it will be given to you; seek and keep on seeking and you will find; knock and keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who keeps on asking receives, and he who keeps on seeking finds, and to him who keeps on knocking, it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will [instead] give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will [instead] give him a snake? If you then, evil (sinful by nature) as you are, know how to give good and advantageous gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven [perfect as He is] give what is good and advantageous to those who keep on asking Him.” (Matthew 7:7-11, AMP)

“…put [your] hope in God, who richly provides [you] with everything for [your] enjoyment” (1 Timothy 6:17, NIV).

“‘For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken,’ says the LORD, who has mercy on you” (Isaiah 54:10, NLT).

“He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted” (Job 5:9, NIV).

Photo by Jenn Evelyn-Ann on Unsplash

October 25, 2018

Waiting on a Miracle

“In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.”
(Psalm 5:3, NIV)

Waiting can be one of the hardest things we do. Waiting means God’s timing; you may be walking in some prolonged seasons of delay. As I’ve heard a few times from other Christian writers and speakers, delayed does not mean denied. This made me think of the story in the Bible of the man that was healed at the Pool of Bethesda. The disabled would come to this pool because it was known that an angel would come and stir the pool at appointed seasons. The first one to enter the water after it had been stirred would be healed of their disease. Sounds like a group of people waiting on a miracle, right? At least they were in the right place and hoped to be there at the right time too for when the season of healing would take place specifically for them. But this one man in particular had been an invalid for 38 years! Not only had his physical healing been delayed after all of that time, but also he had experienced prolonged disappointment, repeatedly looking to God in expectation.

Jesus asked him his most important question: “Do you want to get well?”(John 5:6, NIV).

We know he waited in expectation because after 38 years, he was still there waiting and hoping for his miracle. He ended up being at the right place and the right time after all, though it was a longer wait than he probably anticipated. His waiting probably made him feel more like a spectator instead of the recipient that he was hoping to be. These questions come to mind when I think of his situation prior to him receiving his miracle:

-Did he believe the miracle for himself anymore?

-Had he gotten comfortable with the fact that the Pool of Bethesda had become a place of “hang out” for him rather than a place of miracles?

-Had he settled, becoming just an observer while watching others receive their miracles?

Have you, too, ever felt like this about your miracle? Are you still believing for your miracle? Has church become an ordinary place where you no longer wait in expectation for God to perform His wonders? Are you merely just a witness of others’ miracles where you no longer believe God will move on your behalf?

Hard trials, unmoved circumstances, and dysfunction can start to feel like the new norm. We get so use to the heartache, the long journey of unanswered prayer, that we take shelter in the cave of our problems. We get stuck because we’ve been there so long, we don’t know anything else. We can become so comfortable with how things have been that it becomes a part of us, and we don’t realize it sometimes until we finally step out of the cave.

What question do you think God might be posing to you today, specifically to you right now about receiving your miracle?

Do you want to get well?

Do you want to be free?

Do you want to step out of the cave of your problems?

Do you want to ___________________? (You fill in the blank.)

Hold on, dear child of God. Keep watch, and wait for Him. He has not forgotten you. He has not forsaken you. Listen to His love letter to us who still hope and are waiting…

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13, NIV).

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 31:8, NIV).

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV).

“Be still, and know that I am God…” (Psalm 46:10a, NIV).

“Not one of all the Lord’s good promises to Israel failed; every one was fulfilled” (Joshua 21:45, NIV).

Photo by Amanda Bridges-Dunn

October 6, 2018

How to Persist in the Faith

“For physical training is of some value, but godliness (spiritual training) is of value in everything and in every way, since it holds promise for the present life and for the life to come.”
(1 Timothy 4:8, AMP)

I learned the hard way how not to minister to others. With the last two people I tried to help, I walked alongside them, taking on their problems like a project. I fed them Scripture and prayed over them continually. Because I did all the work, they never learned to feed themselves with the Word nor seek God on their own. Very little fruit, if any, was produced in them. They would acknowledge the nuggets of truth and wisdom, even regurgitate it back to me, but they weren’t seeing Scripture as their own life preserver. Burnout cannot happen fast enough when you try to carry someone else’s spiritual growth.

Haven’t we all done the same thing? We get tired. We get weary. It’s easier to complain about our problems, seek people’s comfort, and sometimes even wallow in self-pity. I find myself getting into this cycle from time to time. When others assist in my problems, I feel better for a time. But soon again, I get back on the same path of needing others to “fix me” and my problems. As much as we would like an instant intervention for our problems, God is the only one who can produce a lasting, changing work, that which is impossible with man.

Should we seek guidance from those more wise than us? Absolutely. This is what Scripture says about seeking out advice:

“Without consultation and wise advice, plans are frustrated,
But with many counselors they are established and succeed” (Proverbs 15:22, AMP).

I have found much wisdom among other people. I don’t know what I would have done without their godly advice. Usually the advice is instruction for the next steps in addressing the problem I have or just plainly reminding me to trust God because the situation is totally out of my hands. Hard trials can put me into a whirlwind of confusion fast and may even blur my vision on the facts of the scenario. Sometimes we need direction and/or redirection because we are too close to the problem, and we need an outsider to help us see things clearly.

Seeking advice and sometimes even venting in a safe place with others isn’t wrong; it can be part of the steps in healing, restoration, and growth. But others cannot do the work of maturation in us. Take for instance the benefits of investing in your physical body, i.e. working out, eating healthy, etc. Trainers can suggest a special diet and exercise plan for you, but who ultimately does the work? Most of us have a clear understanding of the effort, time, and energy it takes to improve the physical body. We also must understand it takes the same kind of effort spiritually; the hard part is pressing on with faithful persistence. We must own our spiritual growth by surrounding ourselves with the body of Christ, spending time with His people, getting in the Word, and maturing in our salvation.

How to Persist in the Faith

-Continue to regularly attend the church you call home even in the times when you don’t feel like going (Hebrews 10:24-25, NKJV).

-Commit to a small group weekly where you are around believers and people with the same mindset that God is good. Negativity is sure to lurk in the unknown and dark places of your problems, especially when those problems last for a longer season (1 Corinthians 12:12-27, NIRV; Psalm 33:4, NIV and NLT).

-Stay in God’s Word, substituting lies with truths and God’s promises (John 17:17, AMP).

-Continue to work out your own salvation. Learn what God is trying to show you in your trials. He is growing you up in Him to will, to work, and to walk out your assigned purpose for His good pleasure (Philippians 2:12-13, AMP).

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

September 26, 2018