It’s a New Chapter

God, grant me the state of being calm, peaceful, untroubled, 
accepting the things I cannot change; 
the ability to do something that frightens me; 
and the quality of good judgment over all such matters. 
(The Serenity Prayer, my emphasis added) 

As 2020 comes to a close, I realize the positive changes and growth in me:     

• I search my heart and give myself permission, space, and a set time to grieve any losses.  Some evenings before bedtime, I allow myself 10 minutes to cry, rant, pray, etc., over hurts and pain that live inside of me.  Then, I go to bed and welcome a new day by moving forward.     

• I recognize some of my self-sabotaging behaviors.  If it involves another person, I admit my mistake(s) and try to correct it as best I know how (Romans 12:18).

• I accept that I make mistakes and that I will make more in the future.  In the past, I have seen my mistakes as permanent damage, unrepairable, etc., but God’s mercy is greater:  “If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything” (1 John 3:20). 

• Everyone that crosses my path is a teacher. 

• I live in the moment; I am more attuned to what is God showing me right now, right this moment.  What a gift!  He is always speaking to us: “For God does speak—now one way, now another—though no one perceives it” (Job 33:14).    

• I let go of controlling outcomes.  In doing this, I have been pleasantly surprised (in a good way) rather than let down.    

• Where I have been more prone to make up “scenarios” in my mind of what might happen, I am learning that better outcomes are a result of me being proactive rather than reactive.  I have self-control because of His Spirit (Galatians 5:23).    

• I work hard, yet I make rest just as much a priority.   

• I’ve settled the one lingering question I have had about what I am looking for in a husband.  It’s simple: Someone who will LEAD: lead by example; lead the connection; lead in spirit and in truth; and lead in love.

• I realize that as much as I love some people, God has a specific purpose for me and not everyone will walk alongside me in that journey.  Because of this perspective, I am seeing the bigger picture.    

• I pause and breathe to calm myself.   

• I stopped replaying and talking about the things that happened to me or hurt me.  I mostly talk to God when things bother me.  This has helped quiet my spirit as I wait patiently for God’s healing.     

• Instead of being guarded, I am open to what God has in store for me and my future.  I am excited actually.  I know He means goodness (and mercy—so important!) for me all the days of my life, and He will withhold no good thing (Psalm 23:6 & Psalm 84:11). 

• I have experienced unconditional love from my friends.  What can I say?? THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! You have shown me what it is, what it looks like, and made me believe I am worthy of it in all of my relationships. 

• I focus more on what I have than what I don’t have: I have an amazing career where I can use the gifts and talents God has given me; I have coworkers and classmates who have helped me hone in on my craft as a teacher; I have a beautiful, welcoming home where others (and myself) can experience a place of refuge; I have a community of neighbors willing to help me in my time of need; I have a church family that embraces me; I have lifelong friends who know my story and who continue to love me unconditionally; and I have had the resources and time to invest further in my education so that I can broaden career options.  Lastly, I have my health and am able to thrive in life.    

• I trust God’s timing and plan for my life.    

• I have learned that not all things are black and white.  Even in the darker times this past year, I learned something about myself and my relationships.  My pain wasn’t wasted.

• “No” is a grace-filled answer sometimes.   

• Living alone doesn’t have to be lonely.  I am focusing on self-care and self-love for the first time.                

• I have invested in a life-coach, or rather she invests in me.  It is a safe-space where I talk to her once a week for an hour about my thoughts and what is going on in my life.  In talking to her, I am noticing my patterns– We all have them! I welcome constructive criticism because I know this person loves me and wants to see my growth.  (She will never know how much this means to me.)    

• Many times I have been more indirect than direct in my communication with others.  I am changing the way I express my requests, pushing fear and pride aside (2 Timothy 1:7). 

• I have changed my verbiage from “I deserve better” to “I am worth it!” I will not settle for less than I am worth!     

• Small steps are progress, and I celebrate those.   

• I am taking risks.  If a desire in my heart surfaces, I am pursuing it (Psalm 37:4).     

My motto for 2021 is to embrace my most genuine, authentic self and not forget the important words of the Serenity Prayer. My best is yet to come.  My story is not over.   

Photo by Chinh Le Duc on Unsplash