Written 21 December 2023
If you were a color, you would be every shade of blue. Light blue would symbolize your boyish charm; reflected innocence yet restrained wisdom; one who accepts and believes and welcomes like a child.
You are electric blue– refreshing, eye-catching, standing out among the rest, exciting and fun, and fulfilling of adventure– the kind of blue that never dulls.
You once bought a blue-green cashmere sweater for me to wear for you– extremely soft, insulating, fine and rare– a sophisticated color, the only kind deserving of you.
I would get lost and scared in your crystal blue eyes. I was at your mercy in those moments. There is a thin line between self-control and surrender.
If anything you are mostly like the ocean blue. If the ocean is blue because water absorbs colors in the red part of the light spectrum, you work magic. Effortlessly, you filter one’s perception to see the unseen potential and possibilities of life and the self.
Like the ocean, you are in constant flux. In a wave crest or plunge, you display grace and power, playfully and dangerously. Everything slows down and speeds up all at the same time. You are calm and ravenous, gentle yet swallowing everything whole, much like how you love– all encompassing. You’d have it no other way. Love is vast for you, like an idol. Even a part of me wanted to bow down to what seemed so worthy of worship.
I cannot grasp you, yet you engulf me. For me, it’s an experience– an anticipated euphoria; for you, I am not sure what it is. You remain mysterious, unable to pin down, yet I wouldn’t even think of it being another way. You love your freedom and independence to be and create. I trust you as you make room for my small human frame.
I once thought of you as a Sirius star, but you are vaster, more instrumental. You are the blue black sky that contains all the stars, and even though you might lose one here and there, you hold it all together, like Father God. Though you could be the brightest star in the sky, you are much too large to be contained to a singular number.
You are all encompassing, enveloping, framing– every shade of blue to be desired.
Painting by Aykut Aydogdu