Have you ever been inside a traditional funhouse (House of Mirrors) at a carnival or amusement park? The basic concept behind a house of mirrors is a maze-like puzzle. In addition to the maze, participants are also given mirrors as obstacles, glass panes to parts of the maze they cannot yet get to. Sometimes the mirrors may be distorted because of different curves—convex or concave— in the glass to give the participants unusual and confusing reflections of themselves, some humorous and others frightening.
This whole idea of a funhouse of mirrors is much like being in a relationship with a narcissist. Being in a relationship with one will feel like a game. They run the “funhouse” while you are the confused, disillusioned participant. They gain entertainment in morphing your self-image, watching while you question your perception of reality, ultimately doubting one of your greatest gifts from God—your intuition.
Upon entering a relationship with a narcissist, you will be in the idealization stage. Everything with them will feel fun and adventurous. They will be highly knowledgeable about the latest hot topics and will unshakably vocalize their opinions. You will respect their confidence on such things. They will seem to have a handle on their likes and dislikes, hobbies, and interests. The conversation with them will flow freely and easily. You amazingly will have everything in common—from the rudimental, fundamental, a shared deep-seated belief system. You will think you have found your soulmate as NO ONE else you’ve ever met has quite “gotten you” like this person does. It will feel like a divine set up from heaven.
You will have entered what is called the “love-bomb” stage. This is an important stage for the narcissist to establish a hold on you, to hook you into them. Like a quick-start button, a foundation to the relationship will be established. You will hear from this person often throughout the day by email and text; they will plan memorable dates, spending as much time with you as possible. They will fill up so much of your time and mind that you will not know how you lived without them nor can you imagine them not being there. Within a matter of weeks, they will want to introduce you to their closest family members—their parents and siblings— as they are convinced you are “the one.” Within that same time frame, they will say I love you well before normal people could form such a connection.
You will become addicted to this person. Every text, I love you, and interaction will feed like a high. As you can imagine, this stage is short-lived as it inevitably results into a freefall as keeping this up for anyone is exhausting. You will know when the narcissist has become exhausted because the memorable, planned dates will stop for no reason; they will start to ease out of the routine they have created, and little by little, you will feel starved for the same love and affection they once gave you.
Photo by Daria Sizova